I was driving down the road the other day, finished a smoke and flicked it out the window. About a minute later I smelt this horrible smell coming from the back of the car. I turned around and had a look in the back seat; it was just Grandma fingering herself.
Bill and Hillary are at the Red Sox -Yankees Game; sitting in the first row, with the Secret Service people directly behind them. One of the Secret Service guys leans forward and whispers something to Bill. At first, Clinton stares at the guy, looks at Hillary, looks back at the agent, and shakes his head "no". The agent then says, "Mr. President, it was a unanimous request of the entire team, from the owner of the team to the bat boy." Bill hesitates, but begins to change his mind when the agent tells him the fans would love it. Bill shrugs his shoulders and says, "Ho-Kay! If that is what the people want. C'mere Hilly baby..." With that, Bill gets up, grabs Hillary by her collar and the seat of her pants, lifts her up, and tosses her right over the wall onto the field. She gets up kicking, swearing, screaming, "Bill you !^$#@&!" The crowd goes absolutely wild. Fans are jumping up & down, cheering, hooting, hollering, and high-fiving. Bill is bowing, smiling and waving to the crowd. He leans over to the agent and says, "How about that! I would have never believed how much everyone would enjoy that!" Noticing the agent has gone totally pale, he asks what is wrong. "Sir," the agent replies, "I said they want you to throw out the first pitch."
A cop is patrolling Lover's Lane when he sees the strangest thing. A young teenage couple is sitting in a car, the guy in the front and the girl in the back. The guy is reading a magazine and the girl appears to be knitting. He stops the patrol car and walks over to knock on the young man's window. He rolls the window down. "Yes officer?" "I have to ask you, what are you doing?" "Well sir, I am reading a magazine." "What about the young lady in the backseat?" The young man turns to look behind him. "Well, I think she is knitting a pullover sweater." "How old are you young man?" the officer asks. "I am 25 Officer." "And the girl?" The young man looks at his watch. "Well, she'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
AN EASTER BUNNY JOKE Father bunny notices one day that his son is growing up fast. He says son, its time for your education to begin on the facts of life. So he takes his son out into the meadow. There are lots of lady bunnies around. Father bunny lines up all the female rabbits in a row. He says now Iâll start this end and you start the other end and remember your manners. Thatâs how rabbits multiply so quickly. After each F***K the father says in his deep voice â thankee maâam. The son soon gets the hang of this new sport after watching his father. Wham bam thank you maâam he says in his sqeaky little voice. Thank you maâam, thank you maâam oooops sorry Dad !
(The guy rabbit getting ready to do the girl rabbit,) says to the girl rabbit; "This is gonna hurt, did it?"
The rabbit says to the elephant, "wanna fuck?" The elephant "Why sure". they are going at it and a monkey in the tree is laughing, knocks a cocunut loose it falls on the elephants head and the elephant says "Ouch" The rabbit says "Did I hurt ya?"
His Last Words Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there with me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you were present as well. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, remember all the terrible things that have happened to me over the years, I think I owe it all to you: you bring me bad luck!"
Golf buddies. Life long pal dies on the course. In the scheme of things, the survivor of the duo, courts and marries the widow. Everyone is thrilled that such bliss could emerge from the tragedy. On the wedding night, our golfer hero woos and coos, and rolls over to, as the male of the species is known to do, sleep. "Oh, let's do it again." He obliges. She says, "again", and so on all night long. Exhausted, our hero throws open the window, looks skyward and laments, "Hal, just what is par on this hole?".