GOODBYE MOM A young man shopping in a supermarket Noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, And she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son." He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mom" as I leave the store, It would make me feel so happy." She then went through the checkout, And as she was on her way out of the store, The man called out, "Goodbye, Mom." The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine Into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the clerk. "How come so much ... I only bought 5 items.." The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said You'd be paying for her things, too." Don't trust little Old Ladies!!!
Force Of Habit The passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. You see, today is my first day driving a cab - I've been driving a hearse for the last 45 years!"
Of course you've heard about the blind man that walked into a bar. But did you hear about the midget that walked into a bar and kissed everybody in the joint?
same joke. Woman wants to file a sexual harassment suit, goes into human resources. "This perv comes in every day and smells my hair". "Boy, Sex harassment is a serious accusation, Sue. Are you sure you want to file Sexual Harassment on this guy for smelling your hair?" "Absolutely." "OK, I have to do it then. Who is the offender?" "Keith, the midget".
Democrats in Heaven Al Gore, Bill & Hillary Clinton go to Heaven. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left." God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you Believe in?" Bill replies, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my Fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me." God thinks for a second and says, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right." God then addresses Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe in?" "I believe you're in my chair."
number 3868. 4000 is mine! Mine! You hear??!!!??!?!! Two nuns are riding their bicycles on a back road to the Vatican. One says, "you know, I've never come this way before." the other replies, "it's the cobblestones." See you boys in Hell.
Three nuns are walking down the street. One sister, making a motion with her hands apart, said "The bananas at the store were this long". The one nun who was hard of hearing said "Father who?"
Two Hindu women were in the produce department. One woman held up a potato and said "Reminds me of my husbands balls" "You mean they are big?" "No, brown and dirty".