New Wine for Seniors California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night. The new wine will be marketed as... PINO MORE (Sorry, it hits close to home, LOL) Don
Of course it's real. I posed for that one there. We call it Peckerwood. Notice my lady has very small hands. You know why.
A DOG NAMED SEX Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on. When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!" One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off. When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!" Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." - My case comes up next Thursday. Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."
"President Bush is expected to announce that he is now sending more troops to Iraq, despite the fact that his general, his military analysts, members of congress, and most of the American people are against the idea. The reason he's doing it? To give Iraq a government that responds to the will of the people." ---Leno
10 Things to Ponder for 2007 10. Life is sexually transmitted. 9. Good health is merely the slowest Rate at which one can die. 8. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horney. If you see him without an Erection, make him a sandwich. 7. Give a man a fish and you feed him For a day; teach a man to use the Internet And he won't bother you for weeks. 6. Some people are like a slinky...not really good For anything, but you still can't help but smile When you shove them down the stairs. 5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, Lying in the hospital dying of nothing. 4. All of us could take a lesson from the Weather. It pays no attention to criticism. 3. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two Hundred dollars, and a substantial tax cut Saves you thirty cents? 2. In the 60's, people took LSD to make the World weird. Now the world is weird and People take Prozac to make it normal. AND THE NUMBER ONE THOUGHT FOR 2007: 1. We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration?
Perks of being over 55 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run-----anywhere. 4. People call at 9 PM and ask, " Did I wake you ???? " 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now probably won't wear out. 8. You can eat dinner at 5 PM. 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. ! 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who sent you this list
.........and coffee is .70 at McDonalds. Hopefully, you have to id yourself as 55 or older. When they just give you the .70 price, well, Just For Men??