IMHO: Besides morons, the 312 particles are also held together by exchanging elementary particles like slimyons, shamelessons, liarons, politicsons, etc.
Whenever I hear 'raw sewage,' I wonder: do some people really cook that stuff? The future will soon be a thing of the past.
I just saw an ad on the internet for a large cache of french army rifles, it said: "French Army Rifles for sale and in excellent condition, they have never been fired and only dropped once!"
Excellent point, bravo! And, of course, not to forget the incompetons, the victimons, the lazyons, the c.y.a.ons, the suckons, the idiotons and the oh-so-pretty social-butterflyons
Woman: "Is there a problem, Officer?" Officer: "Ma'am, you were speeding." Woman: "Oh, I see." Officer: "Can I see your license please?" Woman: "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." Officer: "Don't have one?" Woman: "Lost it 4 times for drunk driving." Officer: "I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please." Woman: "I can't do that." Officer: "Why not?" Woman: "I stole this car." Officer: "Stole it?" Woman: "Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner." Officer: "You what?" Woman: "His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see." The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes, 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: "Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: "Is there a problem sir?" Officer 2: "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." Woman: "Murdered the owner?" Officer 2: "Yes, could you open the trunk of your car, please." The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: "Is this your car, Ma'am? Woman: "Yes, here are the registration papers." The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license." The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: "Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner." Woman: "Betcha the liar told you I was speeding, too..."
Sometimes, a person who is some distance away from you will say something you don't quite understand, so you ask them to repeat it, and you still can't make out what theyâre saying. So you ask them two or three more times to repeat it, and by that time you're getting embarrassed, so you pretend to understand and say, "Yeah!" You know, just to be done with it. Then later, it turns out what they said was, "We're coming over tonight to remove your wife's ovaries. Will that be all right?"
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!
A minister was trying to get his congregation to understand the difference between Heaven and Hell. "Heaven" he said, "is a place where the mechanics are German, the policemen are British, the French do the cooking, Swiss run the trains and all the lovers are Italian." "On the other hand" he continued, "Hell is a place where the police are German, British do the cooking, the mechanics are all French, Italians run the trains, and the Swiss are the lovers!"