With all the debate raging over gas prices and ILLEGAL immigrants. Whether to BOYCOTT oil companies or not; whether to provide amnesty to ILLEGAL immigrants or not. And since I have become jaded to various solutions proposed by the Republicans, Democrats, Sierra Club, and ACLU...I have elected to solve the problems of both high gas prices and illegal immigration on my own. I have hired illegal immigrants to push my car. They are plentiful and cheaper than buying gas. Then I pay them in Pesos, so they have to go home to spend it.
Some Good Quotes Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. (Albert Einstein) The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you meet a beautiful girl. (Uzair Sait) The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. (Franklin P. Jones) We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? (Jean Cocturan) It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose. (Darrin Weinberg) Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers. It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving. Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk. Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. Forgive your enemies but remember their names. The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action. Dont worry that the world ends today, its already tomorrow in Australia!
Subject: The Loving Husband > A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Did you hear what the post office found when it investigated that the king georgie boy stamps were falling off the envelopes? People were spitting on the wrong side.
HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked 2. Bring food
Why are there only 49 contestants in the Miss Black America Contest? Because no black women will wear a banner that says IDAHO....
Ha Ha!! :eek: Your PC is worth a respectable chuckle or two - too. QUOTE]Quote from nysekiler: thats not funny:eek: [/QUOTE]