Check out this picture of the chairman and CEO of Manitowoc (NYSE:MTW). Tell me if you notice anything funny. http://library.corporate-ir.net/library/67/678/67844/items/192722/MTW05ar.pdf +-*/ Math_Wiz
One evening a man is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock on the door. He gets up and opens the door but there is no one there. He looks down and notices a snail on the threshold. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. A year later this guy hears a knock on his door but again there is no one there. He looks down and notices the same snail he saw the year before. The snail looks up at the guy and says: "Now what in the world was all that about?!" -1bigsteve (o:
YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK," the little girl says, "how much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about herself," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it" Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex."
Golf Skills Test For those who have lots of time on their hands (eg, between trades.) http://www.cincinnati.com/golf/golfquiz/html/brand.htm
Should children witness childbirth? Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack his ass again!" :eek:
A farmer is helping his cow give birth. His young son is watching. After several minutes of effort the calf is born. The young son looks up at his father and says: "Dad, tell me something. How fast was that calf running when he hit that cow?" -1bigsteve (o:
I have a Golden Retriever, and one day I was in line at WalMart, buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.
Find a joke: An Internal Revenue man is writing a book called, "How We Made $1,800,000 off the Fellow Who Wrote a Book About Making $2,000,000 in the Stock Market."