Subject: 50 Years of Math in U.S. Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58. The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s: Teaching Math In 1950 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1960 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit? Teaching Math In 1970 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit? Teaching Math In 1980 A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20. Teaching Math In 1990 A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.) Teaching Math In 2005 Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?
Bedroom Golf 1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play, normally one club and two balls. 2. Play on course must be approved by the owner of the hole. 3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out. 4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins. 5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole. 6. Object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the owner is satisfied play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play again. 7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival. Experienced players will normally take time to admire the entire course, paying special attention to well formed mounds and bunkers. 8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have played or are currently playing to the owner of the course being played. Upset owners have been known to damage a players equipment for this reason. 9. Players are encouraged to have proper rain gear, just in case. 10. Players should not assume that the course is in shape to play at all times. Players may be embarrassed if they find the course temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find alternate means of play when this is the case. 11. Players should assume their match has been properly scheduled particularly when playing a new course for the 1st time. Previous players have been known to become irate if they discover someone else is playing what they considered a private course. 12. The owner of the course is responsible for the pruning of any bushes, which may reduce the visibility of the hole. 13. Players are strongly advised to get the owners permission before attempting to play the backside. 14. Slow play is encouraged, however, players should be prepared to proceed at a quicker pace at the owners request. 15. It is considered an outstanding performance, time permitting, to play the same hole several times in one match.
Subject: SNORING Some retired deputy sheriffs went to a retreat in the mountains. To save money, they decided to sleep two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first deputy slept with Daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night." The next night it was a different deputy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night." The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning." They couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched me all night long."
Every year, English teachers from across the country >> can submit their collections of actual analogies and >> metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts >> are published each year to the amusement of teachers >> across the country. Here are last year's winners: >> >> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had >> its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. >> >> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and >> breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without >> Cling Free. >> >> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from >> experience, like a guy who went blind because he >> looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes >> with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country >> speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking >> at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a >> pinhole in it. >> >> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, >> and he was room temperature Canadian beef. >> >> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that >> sound a dog makes just before it pukes. >> >> 6.Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. >> >> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. >> >> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had >> disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as >> a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly >> surcharge-free ATM machine. >> >> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond >> exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't. >> >> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like >> a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup. >> >> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole >> scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're >> on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at >> 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30. >> >> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair >> after a sneeze. >> >> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like >> maggots when you fry them in hot grease. >> >> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed >> lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other >> like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at >> 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka >> at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph. >> >> 15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with >> picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth. >> >> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two >> hummingbirds who had also never met. >> >> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob >> informant, and she was the East River. >> >> 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a >> steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, >> it had rusted shut. >> >> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do. >> >> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. >> But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. >> >> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you >> get from not eating for a while. >> >> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical >> lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually >> lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. >> >> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and >> extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a >> fire hydrant. >> >> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing >> kids around with power tools. >> >> 25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought >> he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing >> up. >>
All In The Family Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. "A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter. We got married and I got myself a stepdaughter. Later, my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter, my step-mother. And my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Much later, the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son. But he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father, the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I am my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I am my OWN GRANDFATHER! "And you think YOU have family problems!!!" :eek:
THIS ISN'T SO DAMN FUNNY!!! "Cheap labor" "The phrase "cheap labor" is a myth, a farce, and a lie. There is no such thing as "cheap labor." Take, for example, an illegal Mexican who sneaks in here with his wife and five children. He takes a job for five or six dollars an hour. At that wage with six dependents he pays no income tax, yet at the end of the year gets an "earned income credit" of up to $3,200 free. He qualifies for Section 8 housing and subsidized rent, food stamps, and free(no deductible, no co-pay) health care. His children get free breakfasts and lunches at school, and require bi-lingual teachers and books that taxpayers provide. He doesn't have to worry about car insurance, life insurance, or homeowners insurance. Taxpayers provide Spanish language signs, bulletins,and printed material. He cannot be fired, harassed, or sued. He and his family receive the equivalen t of $20 to $30 an hour in benef its, while working Americans are lucky to have $5 or $6 an hour left after paying their bills and his, and paying for increased crime, health care, graffitti, and trash cleanup. CHEAP LABOR-------YEAH RIGHT!!!
Men are like Laxatives..... They irritate the crap out of you. Men are like Bananas...... The older they get, the less firm they are. Men are like Weather..... Nothing can be done to change them. Men are like Blenders... You need One, but you're not quite sure why. Men are like Chocolate Bars. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. Men are like Commercials...... You can't believe a word they say. Men are like Government Bonds.... They take soooooooo long to mature. Men are like Mascara... They usually run at the first sign of emotion. Men are like Popcorn..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while. Men are like Snowstorms.. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last. Men are like Parking Spots....... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.