A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from L.A. to New York. Having heard all these blonde jokes and smellimg an easy kill, the lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game to help pass the time. The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa." Again, the blonde politely declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer figures that this is going to be an easy catch and makes another offer. "Okay, how about this, If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500." This catches the blonde's attention, perhaps figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, and she agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer. Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Air-phone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends E- mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail. After over an hour of searching for the answer he finally gives up. He wakes the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and, comes down with four?" Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.
Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give your wife $775.00 a week." Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks myself." _________________________________ Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. _________________________________ Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _________________________________ Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it. _________________________________ Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes, sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? _________________________________ Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? _________________________________ Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? _________________________________ Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? _________________________________ Q: You said the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also? _________________________________ Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? _________________________________ Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? _________________________________ Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition that I sent to our attorney? A: No, this is how I usually dress for work. _________________________________ Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. _________________________________ Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.
Hey Yannis, That's got to be one of the funniest things I've read! I received it about a year ago and have lost it. As I remember, there were some really funny ones in there about voodoo. If you have 'em, please post 'em! Thanks, kp
Feudalism: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk. Fascism: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk. Communism: You have two cows. You must take care of them, but the government takes all the milk. Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred through an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The Enron annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
For those of us who followed the war blow by blow, here's a good website: http://www.welovetheiraqiinformationminister.com/ Enjoy!