Sandwich Shop A man is walking down the street and he sees a sign that catches his eye: "Cheese Sandwich: $1.50; Handj*b: $10.00." Intrigued, he walks inside the tavern and spots an exceptionally beautiful blonde woman behind the counter. He looks at her, and she smiles back, knowingly. "Are you the one who gives the handj*bs?" he whispers. "Yes," she purrs, "I am." He looks at her and responds: "Well then wash your hands because I want a cheese sandwich!" :eek:
Q: Why did God create yeast infections? A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt once in a while too. Q . How can you tell a macho woman? A. She rolls her own tampons. Q. Why do gays like ribbed condoms? A. Better traction in the mud. Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance? A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving. Q. Why do women call it PMS? A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken. Q. What's a mixed feeling? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. Q. What's the height of conceit? A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Q. What's the definition of macho? A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy. Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party? A. The cake jumps out of the girl. Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on thesame day in Iraq? A. They don't want to wear out the camel. Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry. Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house? A. Look inside your pants; if you have a dick, it's not time. Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.
Posts from the left's "Freedom Fighters" in Iraq: Uno Dos Tres Cuatro Cinco errr, sace? Not sure on the spellings of Spanish numbers, especially 6.
Let's review our American History It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?' " She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775." "Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?" Again, no response, except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863." The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!" She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!" "Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836." At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001." The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!" Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003." Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"! Teacher asked "Who said that? Pedro: Dick Cheney 2006!
Smart Blonde? Guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move. "You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk." The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," says the guy, smiling. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff -- grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?" The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea." "So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"