Mortgage and Running Away For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too." "And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike!"
SNL - The Chronic of Narnia Rap It's all about the Hamiltons baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=zLElfJ9YCh0
Crucial Negotiation After reviewing several x-ray films, the doctor told his patient that he needed surgery costing $5000.00. The patient thought about it and said that, in his view, the problem was worth only about $500.00 - was there anything the doctor could do for that amount? To which the doctor answered, "Well, for $500, I can always touch-up your x-rays!"
The Accommodating Husband "Young woman," said the judge at the end of a long set of testimonies and financial reviews, "this court is going to see to it that you receive five thousand dollars a month in alimony for the next 22 years, no ifs and buts". "Thanks, Your Honor," the husband spoke up, "that's very generous of you. And I'll try to give her a few bucks myself, here and there, don't worry about a thing!"
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation, so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, 'When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.' That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, 'How did it go?' The man answered, 'Not that well ... when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis, and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!'
A man planning to have a tryst with his lover calls his wife at home. âHoney, I need you to get my tackle box and an overnite bag ready, and leave them in the hall for me. When I get home tonite, I am heading out on a little fishing trip with the guys. Oh, and can you make sure that you pack my new blue pajamas for me?â His wife agrees, and when he arrives home, his bag and tackle box are ready to go. He kisses his wife, and heads out on a romantic weekend getaway with his blonde lover. On Sunday, he returns home, and his wife smiles, and asks, âHow was fishing?â âOh, we had a great time,â he answered. âExcept that you forgot to pack my new blue pajamas like I asked.â âNo I didn't.â she said, without smiling. âThey're in your tackle box.â GOTCHA!
A wife, arriving home from a shopping trip, was horrified to find her husband in bed with a lovely young woman. Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: 'Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving along the highway, I saw this young woman looking tired and bedraggled, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast beef you had forgotten in refrigerator. She had only some worn sandals on her feet, so I gave her a pair of good shoes you had discarded because they had gone out of style. She was cold so I gave her a sweater I bought you for your birthday that you never wore because the color did not suit you. Her pants were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good but too small for you now. Then when she was about to leave the house she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else your wife doesn't use any more?'
How to say 'I love you' in 25 languages..... English I Love You Spanish Te Amo French Je T'aime German lch Liebe Dich Japanese Ai Shite Imasu Italian Ti Amo Chinese Wo Ai Ni Swedish Jag Alskar Alabama Arkansas Kansas Oklahoma Texas North Carolina South Carolina Georgia Tennessee Idaho Missouri Mississippi Montana Louisiana Virginia West Virginia Kentucky parts of Florida Nice Ass, Get in the truck