Winter In Canada As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Joe. It's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!!!!!!"
make sure you have the sound turned up. And no the cat really doesn't get hurt, but you will laugh your tail off, especially if you own one! Had to zip because ET doesn't support the native file extention.
The Barber One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he Asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept Money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The florist is Pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door. Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay His bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to improve your business" and "Becoming more successful". Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his Bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.
The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include: anti-social personality disorders, delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones, extreme cognitive dissonance, inability to incorporate new information, pronounced xenophobia and paranoia, inability to accept responsibility for own actions, cowardice masked by misplaced bravado, uncontrolled facial smirking, ignorance of geography and history, tendencies towards evangelical theocracy, categorical all-or-nothing behavior. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.
Aah, yes. Versions of this short horror story have somewhat of a long and colorful history... http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1439751
Feeling The Pain A married couple rushed to the hospital because the woman was in labor. The doctor asked them, "I have invented a new psychophysical machine that you might want to try - it takes some of the labor pains away from the mother and gives it to the father." So the couple decided that they would try this. The doctor hooked the machine up and put it on 10% of pain switched from the mother to the father. The husband waited for a few seconds and then said "I feel okay turn it up a lot more." The doctor turned it up to 50% and the husband said "why don't you just put it all on me because I am not feeling a thing" but the doctor warned them "this much could kill you if your not prepared." But the husband replied "I am ready. " The doctor the turned the machine up to 100% and again the husband didn't feel a thing. So, at the end, they went away happy with a pain free labor and a beautiful baby. When they got home they found the mailman dead on the front porch!