Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by dgabriel, Oct 14, 2002.

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  1. ahahahaha!! ok ok ok I'll be a sport with max on this one

    IRAQI TV GUIDE
    SUNDAY:

    6:00 - QVC: Kurd's Teeth Jewelry
    8:00 - My 33 Sons
    8:30 - Osama Knows Best
    9:00 - I Dream of Mohammed
    9:30 - Let's Mecca Deal
    10:00 - The Kabul Hillbillies
    11:00 - Mecca Vice
    12:00 - Mohammed In The Middle

    MONDAY:

    6:00 - Crossing Jordan, River
    7:00 - Fresh Prince Of Beirut
    8:00 - Husseinfeld
    8:30 - Mad About Everything
    9:00 - Monday Night Stoning
    11:00 - The .762 Club, Religion
    12:00 - Win Bin Laden's Money

    TUESDAY:

    6:00 - This Old Palace
    8:00 - Wheel of Terror
    8:30 - The Price is Right if Osama Says it's Right
    9:00 - Children are Forbidden from Saying the Darndest Things
    9:30 - Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
    10:00 - Buffy the Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer
    11:00 - All In The Fatwa
    12:00 - Hussein's Heroes

    WEDNESDAY:

    6:00 - Best Damn Torture Show Period
    8:00 - Beat the Press
    8:30 - When Kurds Attack
    9:00 - Two Guys, a Girl, and a Goat
    9:30 - Just Shoot Everyone
    10:00 - Veilwatch, Wet Burka Night
    11:00 - Murder She Wrote, Then We Killed Her
    12:00 - The Man From U.N.S.C.O.M.

    THURSDAY:

    6:00 - Jackass. Recipes
    8:00 - Fatima Loves Chachi
    8:30 - M*U*S*T*A*S*H
    9:30 - Married with 139 Children
    10:00 - Eye for an Eye Witness News
    11:00 - The Man Show with host; Saddam
    12:00 - The Woman Show with host; Saddam

    FRIDAY:

    6:00 - Touched By A Goat
    8:00 - Judge Saddam
    8:30 - Suddenly Sanctions
    9:00 - Who Wants to Marry An Iraqi Dictator?
    9:30 - Cave and Garden Television
    10:00 - No-Witness News
    11:00 - Family Feud, Anthrax Special
    12:00 - Who's Execution Is It Anyway?

    SATURDAY:

    6:00 - Little House On The Mobile Scud Launcher
    8:00 - Spongebob Squareturban
    8:30 - Young And The Restless And The Tortured
    9:00 - Teletalibans
    9:30 - Camel 54, Where Are You?
    10:00 - Allah McBeal
    11:00 - George Stephanopolous
    12:00 - The Peoples Court
    12:05 - The Peoples Court Executions
     
    #251     Mar 1, 2003
  2. ROFL! Literally had me in tears... A Classic! Almost missed this nuance:

    12:00 - The Peoples Court
    12:05 - The Peoples Court Executions
     
    #252     Mar 1, 2003
  3. World's first soccer player...

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    [​IMG]
     
    #253     Mar 1, 2003
  4. The most powerful word? Well, shit...Shit may just be the most powerful word in the English language. You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains. With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or decide to shit or get off the pot. You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit, find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit and die.

    Some people know their shit while others can't tell the difference between shit and shineola. There are lucky shits, dumb shits, crazy shits, and sweet shits. There is bull shit, chicken shit. and horse shit You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, or duck when shit hits the fan. You can give a shatter serve shit on a shingle. You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.

    Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit, and some days are just plain shitty. Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are times when you feel like shit. You can have too much shit, the right shit, the wrong shit or a lot of weird shit. You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find yourself up shit creek without a paddle.

    Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit other times you swim in a lake of shit and come out smelling like a rose. When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the basic building block of creation.

    And remember, once you know your shit, you don't need to know anything else!

    :)
     
    #254     Mar 4, 2003
  5. msfe

    msfe

    #255     Mar 5, 2003
  6. Yannis

    Yannis

    msfe,
    So, you think this is funny? :)
     
    #256     Mar 5, 2003
  7. Yannis

    Yannis

    Girlpower,
    Forgive me for asking, but whatever happened to that "girls... nice... cinammon and spice..." thing? :D
     
    #257     Mar 5, 2003

  8. Well, Just giving you guys stuff to amuse you :) These are all phrases I learned from being around guys on a trading floor anyway... :p

    LOL

    Natalie

    (Wrote it with a girl friend too!!!!!!) :eek:
     
    #258     Mar 5, 2003
  9. bobcathy1

    bobcathy1 Guest

    Worst job?
     
    #259     Mar 5, 2003
  10. Iraqi T.V. Listings :p

    Sunday
    7:30 -- My 33 Sons
    8:00 -- Osama Knows Best
    8:30 -- Let's Mecca Deal
    9:00 -- I Dream of Mohammed
    9:30 -- The Kabul Hillbillies

    Monday
    7:00 -- Husseinfeld
    7:30 -- Mad About Everything
    8:00 -- Monday Night Stoning
    8:30 -- Win Bin Laden's Money
    9:00 -- Allah McBeal


    Tuesday
    7:30 -- Wheel of Terror
    8:00 -- The Price Is Right If Osama Says It's Right
    8:30 -- Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things
    9:00 -- Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers
    9:30 -- Buffy, The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer


    Wednesday
    7:30 -- Beat The Press
    8:00 -- When Kurds Attack
    8:30 -- Two Guys, a Girl, and Pita Bread
    9:00 -- Just Shoot Everyone
    9:30 -- Veilwatch


    Thursday
    7:00 -- Fatima Loves Chachi
    7:30 -- M*U*S*T*A*S*H
    8:00 -- Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses and Veils
    8:30 -- Married With 139 Children
    9:00 -- Eye For An Eye Witness News


    Friday
    7:00 -- Judge Saddam
    7:30 -- Suddenly Sanctions
    8:00 -- Who Wants To Marry A Terrorist Millionaire
    8:30 -- Cave And Garden Television
    9:00 -- No Witness Left Alive News


    Saturday
    8:00 -- Spongebob Squareturban
    8:30 -- Who's Koran Is It Anyway?
    9:00 -- Teletalibans
    9:30 -- Camel 54, Where Are You
     
    #260     Mar 6, 2003
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