Three guys are sitting in a bar, griping about their wives and claiming each as the most frigid. It gets to the point that they must make factual statements as proof of their frosty nether regions. "My wife is so frigid, she can sleep with ice cubes in her hand and they are still there in the morning," says contestant #1. (Hint for newbies to mantalk - never, ever, ever go first unless you have a much better statement to clean up with later). "Oh yeah? My wife is so frigid, the bitch went to get a glass of water and by the time she got back to bed it was frozen solid." Said more knowledgeable contestant #2. "That's nothing! My wife, Queen Frosty from the planet PMS is so nastily frigid that every time she spread her legs, the furnace kicks on!"
Gender Chemistry: Example Element : Woman Symbol : Wo (woe is me) Atomic mass : Accepted as 53.6 kg may vary from 40 â 200 kg Occurrence : Copious quantities in all urban areas Physical properties : 1. Surface usually covered in painted film 2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason 3. Melts if given special treatment 4. Bitter if incorrectly used 5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore. 6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points Chemical properties : 1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones 2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances 3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason 4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by saturation in alcohol 5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man Common uses : 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars 2. Can be a great aid to relaxation 3. Very effective cleaning agent Test : 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state 2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen Potential hazards : 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands 2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other. Warning: PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL, MENTAL, AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE!!!
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "Actually," said the Director, "A normal person would just pull the drain plug. So tell me, do you want a room an East view or a West view?"
Watch What You Eat For those of you who watch what you eat, it's a relief to finally know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. So, here's the final word on nutrition and health: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 3. Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 4. The Italians and French drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. 5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you!
Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
The city of Houston, Texas after encountering many problems evacuating for Hurricane Rita have issued a revised evacuation plan: City officials just announced the official Houston 2005 Hurricane Evacuation Plan: Hispanics use I-10 West to San Antonio Cajuns use I-10 East to Lafayette Rednecks use 59 North to East Texas Yankees use 45 South to Galveston Longhorns use 290 West to Austin Aggies use 610 Loop DS