Top 10 reasons "Trick or Treating" is better than Sex 10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack. 09. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again. 08. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some. 07. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some. 06. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are. 05. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy. 04. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door. 03. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning. 02. Less guilt the morning after. 01. You Can Do The Whole Neighborhood! HAPPY HALLOWEENIE!
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At The Farm A young boy, about 12, answered a knock at the door. "Is yer paw home?" a farmer asked. "No sir, he ain't," the boy replied. "He went into town." "Well," said the farmer, "is yer maw here?" "No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with pa." "How about your brother, Howard. Is he here?" "He went with ma and pa." The farmer stood there for a minute, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do fer ya?" the boy asked politely. "I knows where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer pa." "Well," said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to yer paw. It's about your brother, Howard, getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant." The boy considered this for a moment. "You would have to talk to Pa about that", he finally conceded. "If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard."
Married A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment, they both manage to get to sleep; the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower. In the middle of the night the woman leans over and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket." The man leans out and with a glint in his eye said "I've got a better idea ... let's pretend we're married." "Why not," giggles the woman. "Good," he replies. "Now, get your own damn blanket."
Venereal Disease A young couple was making passionate love in the guy's van when suddenly the girl yelled, "Whip me. Whip me!" The guy, eager to please, obviously didn't have a whip, but, in a flash of inspiration, opened his window, snapped the radio antenna off his van, and they shared it until they both collapsed in a sadomasochistic ecstasy. A week later, the girl noticed that the marks left by their lovemaking session were starting to fester, so she asked her doctor to check them out. The doctor took one look and asked, "Did you get these marks having sex?" Embarrassed, she admitted that she did. The doctor nodded. "I thought so. In all my years of doctoring... this is the worst case of 'Van Aerial Disease' I've ever seen!"
P.C. for Halloween Costume? A bald man with a wooden leg got invited to a Halloween party. He didn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg, so he wrote to a costume company to explain his problem. A few days later, he received a parcel with the following note: "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted handkerchief will cover your bald head and, with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co." The man thinks this is terrible, because they have emphasized his wooden leg. So he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel. The enclosed note says, "Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's habit. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and, with your bald head, you will really look the part. Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co." Now the man is really upset. They have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head. So again he writes the company a nasty letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives another parcel. The enclosed note says, "Dear Sir, Please find the enclosed bottle of molasses. Pour the molasses over your bald head, stick your wooden leg up your ass, and go as a Caramel Apple."
A Day At The Zoo This guy needs a job and decides to apply at the zoo. As it happened, their star attraction, a gorilla, had passed away the night before and they had carefully preserved his hide. They tell this guy that they'll pay him well if he would dress up in the gorillas skin and pretend to be the gorilla so people will keep coming to the zoo. Well, the guy has his doubts, but Hey! He needs the money, so he puts on the skin and goes out into the cage. The people all cheer to see him. He plays up to the audience and they just eat it up. This isn't so bad, he thinks, and he starts really putting on a show, jumping around, beating his chest and roaring, swinging around. During one acrobatic attempt, though, he loses his balance and crashes through some safety netting, landing square in the middle of the lion cage! As he lies there stunned, the lion roars. He's terrified and starts screaming, "Help, Help, Help!" The lion races over to him, places his paws on his chest and hisses, "Shut up, you idiot, or we'll BOTH lose our jobs!"
Everything has a gender...... 1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them. 2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed. 3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated. 4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part. 5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water. 6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on. 7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up. 8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom. 9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around. 10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this - it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!