An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. The farmer simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want." The man dated the first daughter. The next day the farmer asked for the man's opinion. "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed." The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. "Well," the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed." The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry." So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the most ugly, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents. "Well," explained the farmer, "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...pregnant when you met her." :eek:
School Answering Machine (Maybe there's some hope for education after all!) This is the message that the Pacific Palisades High School California) staff voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine. This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for the child's absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children's failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not complete enough school work to pass their classes. "Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection: To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1 To make excuses for why your child did not do his or her work- Press 2 To complain about what we do and swear at staff members- Press 3 To ask for your child's gun, chain or knife back - Press 4 To ask why you didn't get the information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and flyers mailed to you - Press 5 If you want us to raise your child's grades - Press 6 If you want to just reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7 To request another teacher for the third or fourth time this year- Press 8 To complain about bus transportation and traffic in general - Press 9 To complain about school lunches, water fountains and bathrooms - Press 0 If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it's not the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort, hang up and have a nice day!"
C'Mon Rob, Give us your thoughts, insight, wisdom, omens, jokes... not just smileys... YOU can do better than that!!
"We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn't do it, but God did." âRep. Richard Baker (R-LA)
A man walks into a bar and orders 7 double vodkas. The bartender asks wow whats with all the drinks. The man says I just found out my older brother is gay. The bartender says thats a good reason for the drinks. The next day the same man walks in and orders the same thing. Bartender asked again what happened today. The man replies i just found out my younger brother is gay. And the bartender said yet another good reason. The next day the same man walks in and orders the same thing. The bartender said Geez doesnt anyone in your family like women? The man looks at him and says Yeah my wife...
Re-Arranging Words Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble. 1. DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters .....DIRTY ROOM 2. PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters .....BEST IN PRAYER 3. DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters .....A ROPE ENDS IT 4. GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters .....HE BUGS GORE 5. THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters .....HERE COME DOTS 6. SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters .....CASH LOST IN ME 7. ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters .....IS NO AMITY 8. MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters .....WOMAN HITLER 9. SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters .....ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S 10. A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters .....IM A DOT IN PLACE 11. THE EARTHQUAKES: When you rearrange the letters .....THAT QUEER SHAKE 12. ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters .....TWELVE PLUS ONE 13. PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters..... TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS