Oh Brother!! A pregnant woman gets into a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh no, not my brother -- he's an idiot!" Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise," the doctor says. The new mother thinks, "Wow, that's not a bad name! Guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise!" Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?" To which the doctor replies, "DeNephew!"
The Quiz Contest Chukchuk is in a Quiz Contest trying to win Prize money of $1 Million USD. The questions are as follows: 1) How long was the 100 yr war? A) 116 B) 99 C) 100 D) 150 Chukchuk says, "I will skip this" 2) In which country are the Panama hats made? A) BRASIL B) CHILE C) PANAMA D) ECUADOR Chukchuk asks for help from the University students 3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution? A) JANUARY B) SEPTEMBER C) OCTOBER D) NOVEMBER Chukchuk asks for help from general public 4) Which of these was King George VI first name? A) EDER B) ALBERT C) GEORGE D) MANOEL Chukchuk asks for lucky cards 5) The Canary Islands, in the Pacific Ocean, Has its name x-udd on which animal: A) CANARY BIRD B) KANGAROO C) PUPPY D) RAT! Chukchuk gives up. SCROLL DOWN....... If you think you are indeed clever and laughed at Chukchuk 's replies, then please check the answers below: 1) The 100-year war lasted 116 years from1337-1453 2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador 3) The October revolution is celebrated in November 4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 He changed his name. 5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARI This means islands of the puppies. NOW tell me who's the dumb one...
COLD, COLD WINTER It was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of fire wood they could find. Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "But, how can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "Well, for one, the Indians are collecting firewood like crazy!"
YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE TELLS IT ALL A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "how old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother replied. "It's not polite." "OK", the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "those are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" "That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom won't tell me anything about her," the little girl says to her friend. "Well," says the friend, "all you need to do is look at her drivers' license It is like a report card, it has everything on it." Later that night the little girl says to her mother, "I know how old you are, you are 32." The mother is surprised and asks, "How did you find that out? "I also know that you weigh 140 pounds." The mother is past surprised and shocked now. "How in heaven's name did you find that out?" "And," the little girl says triumphantly, "I know why you and daddy got a divorce." "Oh really?" the mother asks. "Why?" "Because you got an F in sex!
Man vs Woman - Again A head-on collision occurred between cars driven by a man and a woman. Both drivers emerged from the scene intact while their cars were totally demolished. The woman smiled playfully and said, "We are safe! This is quite a predicament. We should drink a toast to celebrate this miracle. As a matter of fact, look, I was going to a dinner party and just happen to have some very good French wine with me." With this she handed the fancy bottle to the man. The man smiled back, came closer, took the wine, opened it and downed half the bottle - after which he complimented her taste and handed it back to her. At which point, the woman stepped away, refused to take the bottle, and said, "I think I will wait until after the police arrive to celebrate!"
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. > >He asked his father, who was a Minister, if they could discuss his use of the family car. > >His father took him into his study and said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up,study the Bible a little, get your hair cut and then we'll talk about it." > >After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father if they could discuss his use of the car. > >They again went into the father's study where the father said, "Son, I've been very proud of you. > >You have brought your grades up, you've studied the Bible diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut." > >The young man waited a moment and then replied, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair." > >The Minister said, "Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked." >
A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off! Angrily, the woman tosses it out the car window. Driving behind the couple is a man and his 12-year-old daughter. The little girl is just chatting away with her father when all of a sudden the penis smacks on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his 12-year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies," It was only a bug, honey." The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?"
Anyone who has ever had a loved one in the hospital will enjoy this: A woman called a local hospital. "Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about patients. I'd like to find out if a patient is getting better, doing as expected, or getting worse." The voice on the other end said, "What is the patient's name and room number?" "Sarah Finkel, room 302." "I'll connect you with the nursing station." "3-A Nursing Station. How can I help You?" "I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in room 302." "Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine, she is to be taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours and, if she continues this improvement, Dr. Cohen is going to send her home Tuesday at noon." The woman said, "What a relief! Oh, that's fantastic... that's wonderful news!" The nurse said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you are a close family member or a very close friend!" "Neither! I AM Sarah Finkel in 302! Nobody here tells me shit."