LOL, that's what makes it funny. I guess there are a few gullible and maybe a bit dimwitted folks around. One, anyway.
Important Detail A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop. The surgeon was there, waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?" The surgeon a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic: "Try doing it with the engine running..."
The phone rang. The lady of the house answered, "Yes?" "Mrs. Ward, please." "Speaking" Mrs Ward, this is Mrs. Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your Doctor sent your husband's samples to the lab, the samples from another Mr Ward were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or terrible news." "What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asked. "Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which one is your husband's." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?" questioned Mrs Ward. "Normally, yes. But Medicare won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" "The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!!"
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim Suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly Jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the head nurse director became aware of Ednaâs heroic act she Immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now Considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news And bad news. The good news is you're being discharged. Since you Were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the Life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays a sound Mind. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself right after You saved him with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but He's dead." Edna replied "he didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon Can I go home?
Watch your language Catholic priest and a nun were taking a rare afternoon off and enjoying a round of golf. The priest stepped up to the first tee and took a mighty swing. He missed the ball entirely and said "Shit, I missed." The good Sister told him to watch his language. On his next swing, he missed again. "Shit, I missed." "Father, I'm not going to play with you if you keep swearing," the nun said tartly. The priest promised to do better and the round continued. On the 4th tee, he misses again. The usual comment followed. Sister is really mad now and says, "Father John, God is going to strike you dead if you keep swearing like that." On the next tee, Father John swings and misses again. "Shit, I missed." A terrible rumble is heard and a gigantic bolt of lightning comes out of the sky and strikes Sister Marie dead in her tracks. And from the sky comes a booming voice ....... "Shit, I missed."
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. He played with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting. He looked up and said, Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend? Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend. Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, Hello, son, is your grandma home? The little boy replied,Yeah, but she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend. The minister fainted.
With the U.S. Open and Father's Day in Mind. . . The doctor was amazed at the health of his patient. He asked how did he keep himself in such good shape at his age. I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive. How old is he?" "He's 100 years old," says the old golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive . . . he's a golfer too." "Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?" "Who said my grandpa's dead?" Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grand-father's still living! Incredible, how old is he?" "He's 118 years old," says the old golfer. The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" "No. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today." At this point the doctor is close to losing it "Getting married?? Why would a 118-year-old guy want to get married?" "Who said he wanted to?"
A guy walks into a bar in Virginia and orders a white wine. All the hillbillies sitting around the bar look up, expecting to see Some pitiful Yankee from the north. The bartender says, "You ain't from around here, are ya?" The guy says, "No, I'm from Canada." The bartender says, "What do you do in Canada?" The guy says, "I'm a taxidermist." The bartender says, "A taxidermist? What in tarnation is a taxidermist? "Do you drive a taxi?" "No, a taxidermist doesn't drive a taxi. I mount animals." The bartender grins and hollers, "It's okay boys. He's one of us."