Jokes

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by dgabriel, Oct 14, 2002.

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  1. Hahahahaaaaaaaaa! Good one!













    Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey...............Wait a minute! This joke was about us wasn't it?!...............I think??

    NOT FUNNY! NOT FUNNY AT ALL!
     
    #2011     Mar 20, 2005
  2. THE RED SPOT

    FINALLY SOMEONE CLEARED THIS UP

    For centuries, Hindu women have worn a red spot on their foreheads. We have always naively thought that it had something to do with their religion.

    The true story has recently been revealed by the Indian Embassy in Washington, D.C.

    When one of these women gets married, she brings with her, a dowry. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the red spot to see if he has won

    A. a convenience store,
    B. a gas station,
    C. a donut shop or
    D. a motel

    In the United States.
     
    #2012     Mar 20, 2005
  3. Pregnant daughter

    A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughters swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say "Your daughter is pregnant."

    The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor that her daughter was a good girl and would never compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy!

    The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?"

    "Yes, of course I am paying attention ma'am. It's just that the last
    time this happened, a star appeared in the East, and three wise men came. This time I don't want to miss it.
     
    #2013     Mar 20, 2005
  4. Butt Measurements

    A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man looks over at his wife and says:

    "Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue."

    With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's bottom.

    "Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"

    The woman chose to ignore her husband.

    Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling a little frisky. He makes some advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.

    "What's wrong?" he asks.

    She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-ass grill for one little weenie?"
     
    #2014     Mar 21, 2005
  5. There was a young synchronised swimmer
    Who practiced her art in the river
    She swam au naturelle,tried inverting for a spell
    which caused passing pensioners to fall over their Zimmers
     
    #2015     Mar 21, 2005
  6. On a trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then a man from Abilene, Texas stands up in the rear of the plane. He is handsome, tall, well-built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt...

    ......One button at a time.........

    ......No one moves.................

    ......He removes his shirt...................

    .....Muscles ripple across his chest............

    ......She gasps...............

    .........He whispers.................

    ....."Iron this - and then get me a beer."
     
    #2016     Mar 21, 2005
  7. There was a young Sheep farmer from Dorset
    Who from a Sheep's fleece made his fiancee a corset
    It wasn't for couture our man needed a cure
    It was for the smell of a woman,he wasn't used to it
     
    #2017     Mar 21, 2005
  8. Have you ever been to Blackburn?
    A veritable Hot-Pot of a Lancashire town!
    The inhabitants are many and are never known to frown.
    The girls from there are naughty
    and the men from there are lewd
    The local kids are many,numbering legion in a brood.
    I'm thinking of it for my holiday,if I can afford the rates.
    It's not the money itself that concerns me
    But which venereal disease will seal my fate

    (May send that to their local tourist office)lol
     
    #2018     Mar 21, 2005
  9. Pinnochio.Pinnochio,wherefore art thou,Pinnochio.
    Juliet wailed
    I need a man to replace my lover Romeo,whose ardour has failed.
    I think you could be the man for the job,if man indeed you be.
    I was a tree hugger in my Hippy days and you can always lie to me.
     
    #2019     Mar 21, 2005
  10. Self abuse had disappeared from the Kingdom of Bhutan
    What had transpired to make this wonderfull thing happen?The King couldn't understand
    The mothers wept with joy that their children from such piety,rewards would reap
    A foreign emmissary asked ' My Lord,do you think it could be due to the introduction of farming sheep?'
    __________________
     
    #2020     Mar 21, 2005
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