Scientists at the University of Dublin, Ireland, revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, they fed 1000 men 22 pints of beer each and observed that 99.7 percent of them gained weight, talked incessantly without making sense, and couldnât drive. Some of them even cried when the beer was gone. No further testing is planned.
Chief Onestone There once was an Indian whose given name was "Onestone", so named because he had only one testicle. He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone. After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again, I will kill them!" The word got around and nobody called him that any more. Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, "Good morning, Onestone." He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night. He made love to her all the next day, until Blue Bird died from exhaustion. Word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do. Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away for many years. Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him and said, "Good to see you, Onestone." Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest, then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day, and made love to her all the next night - but Yellow Bird wouldn't die! What is the moral of this story? ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... You can't kill two birds with one stone.
There was a really funny joke I thought I read here in this thread but I can't find it anymore. I tried the search feature. Maybe one of you who remembers it can point me to the page. It was about a boy who spilled flour on himself and said to his dad, look i'm a white boy. his dad sends him to his room to think about what he did wrong. when his dad asks him later, he says i've only been white for x time and i already hate you niggers. it was funny when i first read it but i can't find it anymore. please post link or pm me. Thanks!
"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Rodney Dangerfield "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope." Camille Paglia "Sex is one of the nine reasons for incarnation. The other eight are unimportant." George Burns "Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." Sharon Stone "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." Tiger Woods "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor) "Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." Robin Williams "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." Billy Crystal "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful." Robert De Niro "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" Dustin Hoffman "There's very little advice in men's magazines because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked'." Jerry Seinfeld "See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." Robin Williams "It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom." Donna Dahl Downing "Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy." Steve Martin "You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life." Teddy Levi Scott "Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same." Oscar Wilde "It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." George Burns "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL." Cecilia Mullenini
A French man nearly got away with stealing a number of paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the robbery and getting in and out and past security, he was captured by a group of English tourists only three blocks away when his Econoline mini-van ran out of gas. When his captors asked him how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, âI had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.â
Hung Chow calls in to work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work." The boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that." Two hours later Hung Chow calls again: "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got very nice house."
- "And here's Moses Kiptanui, the 19 year old Kenyan, who turned 20 a few weeks ago." (David Coleman) - "Its a great advantage to be able to hurdle with both legs" (David Coleman) - "We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite." (Murray Walker) - After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought." (Bobby Robson) - On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country." (Ian Rush) - "I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad that I won rather than lost." (Frank Bruno) - "There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people." (David Coleman) - "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." (Murray Walker)
The SOFTWARE DEVELOPMENT CYCLE Software doesn't just appear on the shelves by magic. That program shrink-wrapped inside the box along with the indecipherable manual and twelve-paragraph disclaimer notice actually came to you by way of an elaborate path through the most rigid quality control methods on the planet. Here, shared for the first time with the general public, are the inside details of the program development cycle. 1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free. 2. Product is tested. Twenty bugs are found. 3. Programmer fixes ten of the bugs and explains to the testing. department that the other ten aren't really bugs. 4. Testing department finds that five of the fixes didn't work and discovers fifteen new bugs. 5. See 3. 6. See 4. 7. See 5. 8. See 6. 9. See 7. 10. See 8. 11. Due to marketing pressure and extremely pre-mature product announcement based on over-optimistic programming schedule, the product is released. 12. Users find 137 new bugs. 13. Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found. 14. Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduces 456 new ones. 15. Original programmer sends underpaid testing department a postcard from Fiji. Entire testing department quits. 16. Company is bought in hostile takeover by competitor using profits from their latest release, which had 783 bugs. 17. New CEO is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch. 18. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.