No, Actually live in Dallas, when it comes to traffic, same difference as San Diego. I love San Diego for vacations.
Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out. "Matt's riding a new bike, and the Coopers are having sex." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Two Jewish sisters-in-law (Ruth and Golda) meet on the street. Ruth says to Golda, "Such news I got for you, Golda! My Irving is finally getting married. He tells me he is engaged to this wonderful Jewish girl, but he thinks the poor darling may have some strange illness called herpes. After offering congratulations, Golda says to Ruth, "So, Ruthie, do you have any idea what is this herpes, and can our Irving catch it? " Ruth answers, "God forbid! But his Papa and I are just so happy to hear about his engagement. You know how we've all worried about him. It's past time he's settled with a nice girl. As far as the herpes goes, who knows? "Well," Golda says, "I have a very fine medical dictionary, you know, Ruthie. I'll just run home right now and look it up and call you." So, Golda goes home, looks it up, and calls Ruth excitedly, "Ruth! Ruth! Thank goodness, I found it. Not to worry! It says herpes is a disease affecting the gentiles."
Three recently married men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties. The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania. He bragged that he had told his wife to do all the dishes and clean the house. He said that it took her a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. The second man had married a woman from North Carolina. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told the men that the first day he didn't see any results, but by the next day it was better, and on the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a New York girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry folded. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye! Got to love us women from New York
Having many legal problems, including a divorce, a man had become thoroughly disgusted with lawyers in general. One evening in a cafe, the conversation got around to his pet peeve and he started "venting." "All lawyers are jerks," he loudly proclaimed. Another man nearby heard this, looked disturbed, and sauntered over to him. "Look, I heard what you said, and I am highly offended by it." "Why is that, are you a lawyer?" he asked. "No, I'm not; I'm a jerk!"
Recently, I was diagnosed with A. A. A. D. D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests: I decide to wash my car. As I start toward the garage, I notice that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the trash first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table, and see that there is only one check left My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye--they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the counter, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV, I will be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do. At the end of the day: the car isn't washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired. I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail. Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message to everyone you know, because I don't remember to whom it has been sent. Don't laugh -- if this isn't you yet, your day is coming! GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL LAUGHING AT YOURSELF IS THERAPEUTIC!
Don - I didn't know you 'lurked' on this forum as well!! Pleasant escape from OPG, Bright Bashng, E-Mini predictions and other serious pursuits found elsewhere on this site!! (I'm trading again, smaller size, small profits. . . . . as Arnold says, "I'll be back")
I usually just "cut and paste" the good jokes, pass them around as my own...LOL Did you wash your car yet? Don
Yeah, I use it for my 'original' material as well - special thanks to Bsulli, bobcathy, T.A., JohnK, T.G., and a 'call-out' to Yannis (I miss his stuff)!! Oh well, back to trying to find better mortgages for one job and better stocks for the other!!