Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Went to a Chinese book store the other day, but couldn't find the book I wanted.

    It was only on my way out I noticed that it was the Wong Foo Kin Book Store.
     
    #9791     Oct 24, 2011
  2. TGregg

    TGregg

    From CNBC last night:

    Honey I Shrunk the Subscriber Base.

    :)
     
    #9792     Oct 25, 2011
  3. TGregg

    TGregg

    I was just there! Bought a cookbook:

    101 Ways to Wok Your Dog
     
    #9793     Oct 25, 2011
  4. Well you know, I agree with Cramer on this one. He made some good points.

    Disclaimer: I don't listen to him and secondly I don't own Netflex
     
    #9794     Oct 25, 2011
  5. Yannis

    Yannis

    Southerners' Medical Dictionary

    Now you have to try reading this with a Southern twang


    Southerners have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously.
    You are going to die anyway, so live life...... and don't worry so much.

    Artery............................... The study of paintings
    Bacteria.......................... Back door to the cafeteria
    Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die
    Benign........................... What you be, after you be eight
    Caesarean Section......... A neighborhood in Rome
    Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty
    Cauterize....................... Made eye contact with her
    Colic................................ A sheep dog
    Coma.............................. A punctuation mark
    Dilate............................... To live long
    Enema........................... Not a friend
    Fester............................ Quicker than someone else
    Fibula............................ A small lie
    Impotent......................... Distinguished, well known
    Labor Pain................... Getting hurt at work
    Medical Staff.................. A Doctor's cane
    Morbid........................... A higher offer
    Nitrates......................... Cheaper than day rates
    Node.............................. I knew it
    Outpatient...................... A person who has fainted
    Pelvis............................. Second cousin to Elvis
    Post Operative............... A letter carrier
    Recovery Room............ Place to do upholstery
    Rectum......................... Dang near killed him
    Secretion....................... Hiding something
    Seizure.......................... Roman emperor
    Tablet............................ A small table
    Terminal Illness............ Getting sick at the airport
    Tumor........................... One plus one more
    Urine.............................. Opposite of you're out

    :) :) :)
     
    #9795     Oct 25, 2011
  6. The farmer had got out a mortgage, and gladly, to give it to his daughter for her college education.

    Now, driving home from the station after meeting her at the train, farmer was greatly disturbed when his daughter whispered confidentially,

    “I have a confession to make, Pa..............I ain’t a virgin no more.”

    The old man shook his head sadly.


    “After all the sacrifices your Ma and I made to give you a good education, you still say ‘ain’t!”
     
    #9796     Oct 25, 2011
  7. [​IMG]]
     
    #9797     Oct 25, 2011
  8. I hear ya, I know about those confessions.

    My son told me he was gay with a straight face.

    a hahahahaha :D
     
    #9798     Oct 25, 2011
  9. Most Africans confess, that when throwing a coin in a wishing well, wish for a well.
     
    #9799     Oct 26, 2011
  10. My wife has just text me:
    'I hope you enjoyed the time with your friends in Vegas. Your suitcase is on the fucking doorstep!'

    I thought to myself, "Well whose suitcase have I been wheeling around then?"
     
    #9800     Oct 26, 2011