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âIt`s impossibleâ said pride.âIt`s riskyâ said experience.âIt`s pointlessâ said reason.âGive it a tryâ whispered the heart. âWHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?â shouted the anus two minutes later?
"Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's Undersecretary Carlo Giovanardi said the government will study if it's feasible to conduct drug tests on stock-exchange traders, with the help of the Milan Bourse and the country's market regulator. Giovanardi, who is in charge of family policy and drug prevention, said that the abuse of drugs including cocaine might explain part of recent stock volatility."
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them at the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another Farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, (which was the only vehicle he had) and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week and both farmers were worn out. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn".
One less loser on teh internets: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2011/10/11/2683379/police-man-stealing-copper-is.html
''Fookin' hell, ! Look at the size of them fookin' copper cables. Theyse must be worth a mint. Bzzzzzzzzzzzztttttttttttttt, crackle, crackle, bzzzzttttttttttt............
From http://lmaobama.com/ by way of www.imao.us : <IMG SRC="http://www.imao.us/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/LMAO-biden.jpg">
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Two golfers met at the club. "I heard about your terrible tragedy last week," said one. "Yes," said the other sadly, sipping his drink. "I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, long time buddy and fellow golfer, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole." "I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too," the first man said sympathetically. "That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds." "The carrying wasn't that hard. It was putting him down at every stroke, then picking him up again that wore me out. But, I won the round!"