So little Johnny shows up at school carrying his cat. The teacher says" Why did you bring your cat into class today" ? And little Johnny says" Well, when I was leaving for school today, the postman stopped by early and was talking to my mom." And I heard the postman say, to my mom, " As soon as your son leaves I'm going to eat your p*ssy."
What's a shy and retiring accountant? An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
I was in Home Depot. Lost as a mofo trying to find something. Finally an "associate" asked me if he could help me find something. I said, "Yeah, a black and white cat with a red collar, have you seen it?"
I got home very late last night from a poker game with my mates. The wife was of course waiting up, ready to moan as usual. "Stop!" I said. "Don't even bother getting pissed off. Pack your bags. I lost you in the poker game. You're moving in with Bob." Stay tuned.....
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