Oiy, a long joke................ shorter the better on jokes is my motto. I have a short attention span..ohh...look a bird.... A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?" The man replies: "No, what do you mean?" She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him: "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man. "No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer. "You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him. The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist: "May I help you?" she says. The man yells: "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee." "But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities." The man replies: "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."
I was driving my mother-in-law to her friend's funeral. As we got close to the cemetary, I said, "OK, you're nearly here." (We weren't thinking the same thing when I said this.. she never took the time to understand my humor)
My wife cuddled next to me on the sofa last night. "I feel horny," she whispered, rubbing my thigh. "Do you want to go to bed?" "Definitely," I replied. "Keep the noise down, there's a cucumber in the fridge."
There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldnât find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, âGreat, so now youâre cheating on me with a bald woman!â The next night, when she didnât smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, âSheâs not only bald, but sheâs too cheap to buy any perfume!â
One time one of my employee's pissed me off so I made him "janitor" for a week. On the second day of his assignment he announced to everyone that when he checked the waste basket in the ladies room, it was still empty and wanted to know why women didn't wash their hands after they used the rest room because there were no paper towels in the waster basket. Stay tuned....