Farm Kid... (When you're from the country ~ your perception is a little bit different.) A Queensland farmer drove to a neighbours' farmhouse in his Holden ute, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad home?" said the farmer. "No mate, he isn't; he went to town." "Well, is your Mother here?" "No, she went to town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No mate, he went with Mum and Dad." The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message." "Well,â said the farmer uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter Susie pregnant". The boy thought for a moment. "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the pig, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
Another Good Oldie From a cruise ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean, who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every few months when we pass, he goes nuts."
Just saw someone write on Facebook ''would literally kill someone for a job right now'' If all else fails he could be a Hitman...
Louise went into her bank to cash a cheque. She looked so hesitant that the cashier went to help her. 'Please sign the back of the cheque, 'the teller told her, 'as you'd sign a letter. 'Louise looked extremely grateful, scribbled on the cheque and passed it back to the cashier. Signed on the back was: 'Yours affectionately, Louise.'
INSTALLING HUSBAND A woman writes to the IT Technical support Guy Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and SOCCER 4.1 . Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, ______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ Reply DEAR Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
My wife said, "I want you to see a marriage counselor" So I found one on AdultFriendFinder and started fucking her every other night.
"The vice-president, who loves it when the president leaves the country and leaves him in charge, suggested that maybe he [Obama] should consider getting away from it all and take another vacation since he pretty much had his last one messed up by that Irene slut."