Do you know Freud once theorized that every male subconsciously wants to sleep with his mother. Pretty fucking disgusting isn't it? Freud's mother is like 200 years old!?
Little Nutmeg was sitting in the class one morning when the teacher asked, "if you have six apples, and I take away two apples, how many apples do you have left?" Nutmeg raised his hand, but the teacher called on Suzy. "You'd have four apples left, Miss Spencer," Suzy said. "That's correct," said the teacher. But Nutmeg was pissed because he had a hilarious response for the teacher that had something to do with the teacher having small tits.
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Dear Doctor BoomBah: I am a Siamese Twin, and share a heart with my brother. He is a heavy smoker, and won't exercise. Any suggestions? Paranoid
Dear Doctor Stunata: I am a Siamese twin. My brother attached at the shoulder is gay, and I'm not. He has a date coming tonight and we only have one asshole! Any suggestion? Sincerely, Nokia (Connecting people since 2008)
It was a dark and stormy night. My wife and I were having a huge arguement. She said "I'm fed up with you ignoring our problems! All you do is act like everything's fine and just brush things under the carpet" "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that" I replied.
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno President Obama and House Speaker John Boehner have agreed to play a round of golf together. Imagine the two of them at the end of that golf game? Boehner will be crying over his score and Obama will be giving three explanations as to why his score is actually better than it appears.