Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Yannis

    Yannis

    Some Obscure Engineering Conversion Factors

    1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi
    2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton
    3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope
    4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond
    5. Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billigram
    6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong
    7. 365.25 days of drinking low-calorie beer = 1 Lite year
    8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling
    9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon
    10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz
    11. Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower
    12. Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line
    13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake
    14. 1 trillion microphones = 1 megaphone
    15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle
    16. 365 bicycles = 1 unicycle
    17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds
    18. 10 cards = 1 decacard
    19. 52 cards = 1 deckacards
    20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton
    21. 1000 ccs of wet socks = 1 literhosen
    22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche
    23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin
    24. 10 rations = 1 decaration
    25. 100 rations = 1 C-Ration
    26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram
    27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms
    28. 5 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = One I.V. League

    :) :) :)
     
    #9131     Jun 6, 2011
  2. Takes awhile to get there, but worth the wait.
    <iframe width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/jXShrTUsmmo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
     
    #9132     Jun 6, 2011
  3. I think I know around 90% of the topics for my math exam next week.

    Unfortunately, percentages aren't one of them...
     
    #9133     Jun 7, 2011
  4. fhl

    fhl

    Did you hear about Weiner and the blind hooker?

    Weiner said he really had to hand it to her...
     
    #9134     Jun 7, 2011
  5. Women don't want to hear what you think.

    Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
     
    #9135     Jun 7, 2011
  6. Yannis

    Yannis

    Speaking Of Weiner

    Of course, there those who really believe that if we got rid of all the leftists in this country, we'd be alright...

    :) :) :)
     
    #9136     Jun 7, 2011
  7. fhl

    fhl

    I bought a memory stick for my wife.

    She hasn't forgotten to make dinner on time once since the first beating.
     
    #9137     Jun 7, 2011
  8. kipster

    kipster

    +1 memory stick hahaha
     
    #9138     Jun 7, 2011
  9. I've just come home from my girlfriend's house fixing her computer. She played with my memory stick, until I had to RAM my Hard Drive into her Software, so when the the Hardware finished installing, I clicked onto her browser and sent spam to her e-Mail until her Inbox was full!
     
    #9139     Jun 7, 2011
  10. Humpy

    Humpy

    A man was having really bad problems with his wife. They had been married for 10 years and she had obviously got bored. Well while playing golf that weekend with his doctor friend, he couldn’t help mentioning it. No problem said his clever friend, I have an idea. I will make an appointment next week for your annual checkup.

    After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.
    "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.
    "Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.
    "If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."
    On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"
    "He said you're going to die, so you had better make out your will quick and leave everything to me" she replied.
     
    #9140     Jun 7, 2011