You Guys Are Soooooo Funny/Ignorant <object style="height: 390px; width: 640px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/p-AfjPX9xno?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/p-AfjPX9xno?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></object>
Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One muffin says to the other, "Boy, it's hot in here!" The second muffin replies, "Yes, I'm in a lot of pain." " Also, I've had a headache for quite a while now. I went to the doctor last Thursday and he preformed an X-ray but the results are not back yet. This extreme heat is likely worsening my already fragile physical health."
Customer Service on Planet Zargon Posted by Patrice Lewis on RuralRevolution.com A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank. Here is the exchange: Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.' Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.' Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.' Family Member: 'So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?' Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!' Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?' Citibank: 'Excuse me?' Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?' Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.' Supervisor gets on the phone: Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.' Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.' Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?' Citibank (stammer): 'Are you her lawyer?' Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given) Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?' Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given) After they get the fax: Citibank: 'Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.' Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.' Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.' (What is wrong with these people?!?) Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?' Citibank: 'That might help....' Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.' Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!' Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???' And you wondered why Citibank needed help from the Feds?
So, a blind man walks into a bar............... with assistance from his friend. (ha ha fooled ya) He orders a drink and the bartender complies. He then spills his drink and then slips in it. He lays on the floor, his head hurting. He cries, knowing he never should've tried to stare at the sun for ten seconds.
Early one morning the Mole family awoke and Daddy mole climbed to the top of the mole hole and sniffed the air. "I smell bacon frying." he said. Momma mole crowded in beside him and sniffed the air, "I smell eggs cooking." she said. Baby mole tried and tried to get to the top but there was no room left so he said, "All I can smell is molasses!"
When I was a kid we had a dog, his name was "Poopsie" He was shaggy dog. When I found out that there are contests for shaggy dogs, I entered Poopsie in a dog show and he won first prize. Lot of people thought he was really shaggy. Poopsie won some other local and the regional competitions. Then I entered poopsie in the world championship for shaggy dogs. When the judges had inspected all of the competing dogs, they said: "He's not so shaggy."
I was so drunk when I got in last night that I picked a fight with a mop. I wiped the floor with the shaggy bastard..
When the greater depression comes, I propose that there be a Monopolies Commission, just like the last great depression. And there must be only ONE Monopolies Commission, just like the last great depression.