So Barack Obama has Irish heritage. He just needs to get himself a dog and he'd be a landlord's worst nightmare.
During the Reign of Terror of the French Revolution, one morning's executions began with three men: a rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a rationalist skeptic. The rabbi was marched up onto the platform first. There, facing the guillotine, he was asked if he had any last words. And the rabbi cried out, "I believe in the one and only true God, and He shall save me." The executioner then positioned the rabbi below the blade, set the block above his neck, and pulled the cord to set the terrible instrument in motion. The heavy cleaver plunged downward, searing the air. But then, abruptly, it stopped with a crack just a few inches above the would-be victim's neck. To which the rabbi said, "I told you so." "It's a miracle!" gasped the crowd. And the executioner had to agree, letting the rabbi go. Next in line was the priest. Asked for his final words, he declared, "I believe in Jesus Christ -- the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost -- who will rescue me in my hour of need." The executioner then positioned this man beneath the blade. And he pulled the cord. Again the blade flew downward -- thump! creak! -- stopping just short of its mark once more. "Another miracle!" sighed the disappointed crowd. And the executioner for the second time had no choice but to let the condemned go free. Now it was the skeptic's turn. "What final words have you to say?" he was asked. But the skeptic didn't hear. Staring intently at the ominous engine of death, he seemed lost. Not until the executioner poked him in the ribs and the question was asked again did he reply. "Oh, I see your problem," the skeptic said pointing. "You've got a blockage in the gear assembly, right there!"
CME to hike some coffee margins .... 4th price hike in just the past year... Dang speculators..... " America's low and middle classes are forced to choose between espresso shots and toilet paper." In other news "Goldman to lower its coffee price target imminently on the "global supply/demand outlook", promptly followed by a price target hike a month later on the "global supply/demand outlook." I think we need some hearings on this price gouging by "Big Coffee" People switch to beer in the summer so let's wait for the full year report. This post supersedes all previous notices. Drop in any mailbox. Use only as directed. Sold only as a set. Not available at all locations. You must be present to win. Postage will be paid by addressee. Not the Beatles. Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show. Package sold by weight, not volume. Subject to CAB approval. Subject to change without notice. Your canceled check is your receipt. List each check separately by bank number. No Canadian coins. Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement. List was current at time of printing. Do not disturb. Past performance does not guarantee future performance. Beware of dog. No alcohol, dogs or horses. Keep this door closed at all times. May cause drowsiness.
This Is Great! Be sure to run your mouse over the screen slowly http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf
My neighbor has a dog with no legs. Calls him 'cigarette'. Said he calls him that because taking the dog out is a drag.
My brother is an optometrist. He said some goofy lady came in yesterday and told him she was a teacher. He said "what's the problem"? She said "I can't control my pupils".