New Robinson Crusoe From a cruise ship in a remote edge of the Pacific, one can see a bearded man covered with rags who is shouting and desperately waving is hands as he runs up and down on that small desert island, while the pessengers laugh, wave and shout back at him as they're taking his picture and videographing the whole thing. "Who is it?" a new passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every couple months when we pass, he goes mad!"
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I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches. Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?" Me: "Certainly, what width?" Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"
"Food Inflation Kept Hidden in Smaller Bags" I bought something the other day, in large letters it said "Bonus Size 30% More" the price was 30% higher.
I just realized that when I'm looking for something and I find it, it's always in the last place I look!
John was increasingly irritated by worse and worse headaches. By his 30th birthday, he decided to seek medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who could diagnose the problem. "The good news is that I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." John was shocked, but after the years of suffering, he decided he had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, his mind was finally clear, and he felt like he needed a new beginning. He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need: a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see, size 44 long." John laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "It's my job." John tried on the suit, and it fit perfectly. As John admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" John thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed John and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Sure enough, it was an exact fit. As John adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" John was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed John's feet and said, "Let's see, 9-1/2 E." Again, the salesman was spot on. John walked comfortably around the shop in the new shoes, and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without hesitating, John said, "Sure." The salesman eyed John's head and said, "Let's see, 7-5/8." The hat fit perfectly. John was feeling great. Finally, the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" John thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed John's waist and said, "Let's see, size 36." John laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."
Oh no, no, no no ...that's just awful. Has the English language stooped so low? So low, as to be lowbrow...so low, as to be how now, brown cow.