Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Anybody remember Murray Langston, better known as "The Unknown Comic"??

    Around ten years ago, I was in Las Vegas, and as a rated gambler, I could go anywhere Gratis. Lots of great shows, but I ended up in the sleazy Holiday Inn because Murray was there. We sat on those cheasy HI chairs, and it was great.

    A classic I remember from the "Gong Show", circa 1976

    "Ayyyy, my Uncle just rented an apartment over the bank. Now his ass sets over 10 milliion dollars."

    Well, lo and behold, whateverthehell that means..... lookee here:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xj3Q9l9Ivng

    pure Burlesque Schtick.
     
    #861     Nov 14, 2007
  2. My Uncle just got a new job, he has "500 people under him", he is a caretaker at the cemetary.
     
    #862     Nov 14, 2007
  3. Ayyyy, my first wife was so fat,..........


    ayyyyy when she danced, the band skipped.....

    badabing. Ayyyye I'm killing me here.
     
    #863     Nov 14, 2007
  4. Too Fat Polka


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1R7591WyFg

    Oh I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    Oh I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat
    She's too fat
    She's too fat for me

    I get dizzy, I get numbo
    When I'm dancing
    With my jum, jum jumbo

    I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    Oh I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat
    She's too fat
    She's too fat for me

    She's a twosome,
    She's a foursome
    If she'd lose some
    I would like her more some

    I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    Oh I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat
    She's too fat
    She's too fat for me

    Can she prance up a hill?
    No, no, no, no, no
    Can she dance a quadrill?
    No, no, no, no, no
    Does she fit in my coupe?
    By herself she's a brute
    Could she possibly
    Sit upon my knee?
    No, no, no

    Oh I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat for me
    Oh I don't want her
    You can have her
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat
    Much too Fat
    She's too fat for me
    She's too fat
    Much too fat
    She's too fat for me
     
    #864     Nov 14, 2007
  5. she butters aspirin. Doesn't high dive, just walks out on the board and lowers herself into the water.

    by the way, Chris Rock has a GREAT routine about rotund Black Women, who ain't stayin' home on Saturday night. I"ll try to find it for you but one of the great punch lines in it is, "girlllllll you got a gut. " "Yeah, but there's some good pussy under this gut. I"m going out."
     
    #865     Nov 14, 2007
  6. Lol, that is the one line I always remembered when first heard it.

    "Underneath this big fat belly is some mighty fine pussy"
     
    #866     Nov 14, 2007
  7. HAMLET
    Lady, shall I lie in your lap?

    Lying down at OPHELIA's feet

    OPHELIA
    No, my lord.

    HAMLET
    I mean, my head upon your lap?

    OPHELIA
    Ay, my lord.

    HAMLET
    Do you think I meant country matters? (cunt entry)

    OPHELIA
    I think nothing, my lord.

    HAMLET
    That's a fair thought to lie between maids' legs.

    OPHELIA
    What is, my lord?

    HAMLET
    Nothing.
     
    #867     Nov 14, 2007
  8. Who said you ain't got no class?
     
    #868     Nov 15, 2007
  9. I remember the line from a Rodney Dangerfield movie, he was trying to date a teacher.

    He asks "Can we go to lunch Tuesday"

    She replied "No, I have class that day."

    "How about Wednesday"?

    "Sorry, I have class that day too."

    Rodney says "Well, call me sometime when you ain't got no class."
     
    #869     Nov 15, 2007
  10. They always were the more funner girls.

    Had to be Sally Kellerman in "Back to School".

    "How did such a degenerate become an Officer in the United States Army?"

    "He was drafted".
     
    #870     Nov 15, 2007