Jokes 2

My Grandmother once told me:

"If you want to be successful in life, forget about it, because you're a retard."

I'm not sure what she meant by that, but I'm pretty sure it's good advice.

 

Gov of NJ


“Now, do you really think that your child is now stressed out and unable to learn because they know that their poor teacher has to pay 1½ percent of their salary for their health care benefits? Have any of your children come home — any of them — and said, ‘Mom.’ ” Pause. “ ‘Dad.’ ” Another pause. “ ‘


......“ ‘Just pay for my teacher’s health benefits,’ ”

“ ‘and I’ll get A’s, I swear.

But I just cannot take the stress that’s being presented by a 1½ percent contribution to health benefits.’

 

Once in a while I click back a hundred pages for a laugh.

My sides are still hurting.

Thanks!

 

Enjoy,

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Sent to me by my loving wife:

GREAT WOMAN'S ASS SIZE STUDY... There is a new study about women and how they feel about their asses... the results were pretty interesting. 30% of women think their ass is too fat. 10% of women think their ass is too skinny. The remaining 60% say they don't care, they love him, he's a good man and they wouldn't trade him for the world.

 

A skunk, a duck and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few hours and many drinks the bartender comes over to them and says "You all are three sheets to the wind and its closing time, its time to pay up the tab". The skunk looks at the bartender and says, "I'm afraid I can't, I only have one scent". The duck looks at the bartender and says, "Don't look at me, I only have one bill". The giraffe looks at the bartender and says, "I guess the high-balls are on me".

 

Is it still pedophilia if the kid is dead?

Hey, i'm just askin.

 

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the Woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.


Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

 

I raised an eyebrow once.

He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits.

 

Obama called Libyan leader Muammar Gaddafi and said he must step down as leader.

He then hung up the phone very quickly.