A joke? How about the TV ad I just saw showing bank employees putting masks on as they rob their own clientele. At the end the ad asks, is your bank robbing you? Tv ad for: Etrade. Priceless
Yeah that's a good spot. Also the "Things you can do with one finger . . . tell your broker where to go" commercials. It's a shame their advertising budget may be seriously castrated soon.
Nine Months Later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into the long driveway of a great big country mansion nearby and asked the attractive young lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?" "Yes, I do." said Bob "Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit? and had a great time with her, a really great time?" "Well, um, yes !," Bob smiled, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did. Yes, it was great!" "And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your real name?" Bob's face turned beet red and he said, "Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?" "Hey, look buddy, 9 months and all... you can't prove anything, don't get me involved..." "No, no, no, you don't understand. She just died and left me everything!"
The Three Little Pigs - Italian Style Once upon a time there were three little pigs. The straw pig, the stick pig and the brick pig. One day this nasty old wolf came up to the straw pig's house and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!! So the straw pig went running over to the stick pig's house and said, "Please let me in, the wolf just blew down my house." So the stick pig let the straw pig in. Just then the wolf showed up and said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." And he did !!! So the straw pig and the stick pig went running over to the brick pig's house an d said , "Let us in, let us in, the big bad wolf just blew our houses down!" So the brick pig let them in just as the wolf showed up. The wolf said, "I'm gonna huff and puff and blow your house down." The straw pig and the stick pig were so scared! But the brick pig picked up the phone and made a call. A few minutes passed and a big, black Caddy pulls up. Out stepped two massive pigs in pin-striped suits and fedora hats. These pigs came over to the wolf, grabbed him by the neck and beat the living shit out of him; then one of them pulled out a gun, stuck it in his mouth and fired, killing the wolf. They tied cement blocks around his feet and threw his sorry ass into the creek. Then they got back into their Caddy and drove off. The straw pig and stick pig were amazed! "Who the hell were those guys?" they asked. "Those were my cousins... the Guinea Pigs."
On the phone with a golf buddy who has asked him to play, a guy says: 'I am the master of my home and can play golf whenever I want. But hold on a minute while I find out if I want to.' --------------- At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I. The DJ asked us, 'What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?' I said, 'The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'' Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, 'Yeah, she's probably right.' ----- At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Arizona. After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man. 'Say, my doctor recommended I move here for my health. Is this really a good place to live?' 'It sure is,' the man replied. 'When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted out of bed.' 'That's wonderful!' said John. 'How long have you been here?' 'I was born here.'