Good, Bad And Ugly Brits <object style="height: 390px; width: 640px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pLgJ7pk0X-s?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pLgJ7pk0X-s?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></object>
Have to believe this is a really frustrated employment seeker who has had enough of the HR bullshit. http://chicago.craigslist.org/nwc/trd/2217597474.html
LATEST DEMENTIA QUIZ FIRST QUESTION: YOU ARE A PARTICIPANT IN A RACE. YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON. WHAT POSITION ARE YOU IN? ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ANSWER : IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE FIRST, THEN YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WRONG! IF YOU OVERTAKE THE SECOND PERSON AND YOU TAKE HIS PLACE, YOU ARE IN SECOND PLACE! TRY TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. NOW ANSWER THE SECOND QUESTION, BUT DON'T TAKE AS MUCH TIME AS YOU TOOK FOR THE FIRST QUESTION, OK? SECOND QUESTION: IF YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON, THEN YOU ARE....? (SCROLL DOWN) ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ANSWER: IF YOU ANSWERED THAT YOU ARE SECOND TO LAST, THEN YOU ARE..... WRONG AGAIN. TELL ME SUNSHINE, HOW CAN YOU OVERTAKE THE LAST PERSON?? YOU'RE NOT VERY GOOD AT THIS, ARE YOU? THIRD QUESTION: VERY TRICKY ARITHMETIC! NOTE: THIS MUST BE DONE IN YOUR HEAD ONLY. DO NOT USE PAPER AND PENCIL OR A CALCULATOR. TRY IT. TAKE 1000 AND ADD 40 TO IT. NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000 NOW ADD 30. ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 20 . NOW ADD ANOTHER 1000. NOW ADD 10. WHAT IS THE TOTAL? SCROLL DOWN FOR THE CORRECT ANSWER..... ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ DID YOU GET 5000? THE CORRECT ANSWER IS ACTUALLY 4100... IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE IT, CHECK IT WITH A CALCULATOR! TODAY IS DEFINITELY NOT YOUR DAY, IS IT? MAYBE YOU'LL GET THE LAST QUESTION RIGHT.... MAYBE... FOURTH QUESTION: MARY'S FATHER HAS FIVE DAUGHTERS: 1 NANA, 2. NENE, 3. NINI, 4. NONO, AND ??? WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE FIFTH DAUGHTER? ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ DID YOU ANSWER NUNU? NO! OF COURSE IT ISN'T. HER NAME IS MARY! READ THE QUESTION AGAIN! OKAY, NOW THE BONUS ROUND, I.E., A FINAL CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF: A MUTE PERSON GOES INTO A SHOP AND WANTS TO BUY A TOOTHBRUSH. BY IMITATING THE ACTION OF BRUSHING HIS TEETH HE SUCCESSFULLY EXPRESSES HIMSELF TO THE SHOPKEEPER AND THE PURCHASE IS DONE. NEXT, A BLIND MAN COMES INTO THE SHOP WHO WANTS TO BUY A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES; HOW DOES HE INDICATE WHAT HE WANTS? ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ IT'S REALLY VERY SIMPLE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH AND ASKS FOR IT.... DOES YOUR EMPLOYER ACTUALLY PAY YOU TO THINK??
"It seems that while the NC bar is apparently unfazed by 40% contingency fees, theyâre right on the case when it comes to a law firm offering consumers a discount on services through Groupon." I'm waiting for my 'groupon" discount to the Trial lawyers"slip and fall museum." Ever see the gift shop? Minature broken ladders, mop buckets with attached puddles on the floor, tiny ambulances with dudes in suits chasing after them like dogs. Melvin Weiss, lap dance Lou lucky charms.
I was in a bar last night when a massively fat woman waddled over to me and said, "Hello darling, shall we get a drink?" I said, "Ha ha good one chubs. Did my friends pay for you?" She said, "What do you mean?" I said, "You're a flabbogram, right?" She ran out crying, then I realised I wasn't cut out for blind dates.
Nutmeg and I got into a spot of trouble when we were excessively mischievous wee lads of but 8 and 10. We were always getting into trouble and our parents knew if any mischief occurs in their town, the two of us were probably involved. Our mothers heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so they asked if he would speak with the trouble makers. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see us individually. So they sent me in the morning, with Nutmeg to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat me down and asked sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?" My mouth dropped open, but I made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with my mouth just hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?! Again, I made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in my face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?!" I screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly to Nutmeg's & dove into his closet, slamming the door behind me. When Nutmeg found me in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" I was still gasping for breath, but I replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time!" "GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
I saw a golf cart parked in a disabled parking space outside work this morning. I thought to myself, "I wonder what his handicap is?"
The latest toy has hit the shops--a talking Islamist doll. Nobody knows what the hell it says, because no one has had the guts to pull the cord...