My girlfriend left me two weeks ago, as she was fed up with me sitting around all day smoking weed. Imagine my delight this morning when I received a Valentine's card from her. Inside the card she mentioned that she's willing to give me another chance. I thought to myself, "Dude, I can use this card for roach."
A villiage somewhere is missing its most famous member: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20110213/us_nm/us_speeding_video
Yeah, I've heard of him... distinguished member of a group of Chinese pronouncements and nicknames, including: Tai Ni Po Ni, Wai Yu So Tan, Ai Bang Mai Ni, Chin Tu Fat, Wai So Dim, Wai Yu Mun Ching, No Pah King, Wai Yu Kum Nao, Lei Ying Lo, Wa Shing Ka, Yu Stin Ki Pu, Sum Ting Wong, Hu Yu Hai Ding, Kum Hia Nao, all created of course by my famous college roommate, Dum Gai...
Always Loved This Part Of Corporate Life A young manager was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. Never missing an opportunity to ingratiate himself to the higher ups, the young man approached and offered his help. "Listen," said the CEO, "I have a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work for me?" "Certainly," said the young manager. By the way, Sir, my name is Joe Smith, in Acounting... He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, pressed the start button very confidently, turned and smiled. "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO, as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy, but I need it fast..."
Ten Valid Questions If, according to the latest medical information, 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that the fifth one enjoys it? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? If a person who plays the piano is called a pianist, what should we call a person who drives a racecar? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? Are Lipton Tea employees allowed to take coffee breaks? What "Hair Color" do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? If it's true that we are here to help others, then, what exactly are the others here for? You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive in New Jersey... Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
How do they not just fall apart laughing? This is so eighth grade. Man I love it. I wonder when the parents realized what they did? I mean, "A Boy Named Sue" was tough. This sum bitch must have been able to kick some serious ass. How about the first day in a new school. We have a new student. Please stand and introduce yourself. Instant principals office. How about a speeding ticket. Bet he's never gotten one. What cop could write a ticket? How do you ask a girl to dance?
All right, that's it. I'm turning over a new leaf. From now on I'm only telling jokes that I think are funny. I'm not going to post jokes that you (meaning everyone else except me) might think are funny. I might start rating my jokes, I;m going to have to find some stars to post alongside my jokes, forget it. I notice et has smiles, I'll use those. In the interest of saving space, one of these is worth five stars and means I think the joke is funny. ---------------- I have started a sign language class for deaf cats, It's called "can you hear meow."