If you refer to your wife as; your ruca, your hina, your wifey, your old lady, or your vieja. guess what? You're not from Kansas
Sex On Mars The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. 'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen. The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the same way you do.' A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick. 'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen. 'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?' 'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!' 'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long. 'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.' 'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman. 'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love. The next day the couples rejoin their original partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?' 'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?' 'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears...'
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My girlfriend is fucking stupid at times, just the other day she was putting her lipstick on by looking at the back of a CD, i said to her why dont you use a mirror like anybody else?, She said i would, but i dont like my nose.
"My, what big ears you have, grandpa!" "All the better to hear you with, son." "My, what big eyes you have." "Shit, I knew I shouldn't have smoked that bong"
My wife lost her arms and legs in an accident last year. The only way she can hug is with her vagina.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/showbiz/2011/02/10/celebrities.say.what.02.10.cnn?hpt=C2 last part is worth the time it takes to get to it (short video)
If you can lie flat on your stomach without getting a burning pain in your rectum, then you aren't in jail.