Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. When me and my brother were younger, our dad used to beat us and rape us . . we managed to get revenge back though by sexually assualting his older brother . .
     
    #8511     Feb 8, 2011
  2. Too long and complicated for me. I'm short on memory and time.

    How can you tell when a woman climaxes?
    Who cares?


    How many men does it take to clean a toilet?
    0. It's a woman's job.


    Woman goes into a sex shop looking for a dildo. She sees a monster in stainless steel, just glistening it 's polished so fine. She wants it. The clerk won't sell it, but the woman insists.
    Guy goes home, his wife asks how his day was. He says, "pretty slow. Then, I sell this broad my thermos for five large.........."

    Blond cop pulls over a blond speeder. " You were speeding. show me your license. " "What's that"? says our heroine. Cop says "should be in your wallet. It's, oh-so big, has your picture on it."
    Blondie fumbles through her wallet, sees her reflection in the compact mirror she carries, and hands it to the cop.
    Cop looks at it, says, "Oh, I didn't know you were a cop. You can go."

    mmmmmmm oh. Naked broad climbs in a taxi. Cabbie looks in the mirror. "Lady. How you gonna pay me? I can see you ain't got no money."
    She spreads her legs, and gesters in the general direction of her pubic mound
    Cabbie says, "got anything smaller?"
     
    #8512     Feb 8, 2011
  3. nice headline

    Market's First Law of Bernankity: What Goes Up, Must Go Up

    :D
     
    #8513     Feb 9, 2011
  4. On my tombstone I want it to say:

    'I didn't forward this e-mail message to 15 friends'
     
    #8514     Feb 9, 2011
  5. #8515     Feb 9, 2011
  6. Sobering information...

    Doctors

    A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is
    700,000.

    (B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians
    per year are

    120,000.

    (C) Accidental deaths per physician is

    0.171

    Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
    Health and Human Services.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Now think about this:

    Guns

    (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is

    80,000,000.

    (Yes, that's 80 million)

    (B) The number of accidental gun deaths

    per year, all age groups, is

    1,500.

    (C) The number of accidental deaths

    per gun owner is

    .0000188

    Statistics courtesy of FBI


    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    So, statistically, doctors are approximately

    9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    >Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,

    BUT

    Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
    This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Please alert your friends to this
    alarming threat.
    We must ban doctors
    before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Out of concern for the public at large,

    We withheld the statistics on

    Lawyers

    for fear the shock would cause

    people to panic and seek medical attention!
     
    #8516     Feb 10, 2011
  7. Humpy

    Humpy


    Good one hahahahaha
     
    #8517     Feb 10, 2011
  8. I bet cannibals were really disapointed by elbow macaroni.
     
    #8518     Feb 10, 2011
  9. Big AAPL

    Big AAPL

    You owe me a new keyboard...

    (note to self: never read nutmeg posts while drinking coffee...)
     
    #8519     Feb 10, 2011
  10. Thanks. Half the time i don't even know if this shit is funny to other people.:D
     
    #8520     Feb 10, 2011