http://www.elitetrader.com/vb/attachment.php?s=&postid=3081626 Theres' a no-brainer joke there for the taking. Nut? You qualify. Take a shot.
Quote of the day: 'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of ,,,,.'
A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She i s intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words. There is a definite distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS - Is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying off somewhere?" BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: "You're next, Chubby." I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome. Both result in death.
My girlfriend's pretty thick, everything goes over her head. Fortunately, so do both her feet. So we're still good.
Wrt Business 101 âJoe decided to go into business on a shoestring, and after a lot of hard work he has managed to triple his investment... but heâs still not satisfied, can you believe it?â âWhy not?â âHe canât think of anything to do with three shoestrings!...â
A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugger, a liberal Democrat, and anti-hunter, purchased a piece of timberland near Colville, WA. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor reappeared. The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational area, so close to a waste treatment facility. I'm sorry, but due to ObamaCare, they turned me down."
Too long and complicated for me. I'm short on memory and time. How can you tell when a woman climaxes? Who cares? How many men does it take to clean a toilet? 0. It's a woman's job. Woman goes into a sex shop looking for a dildo. She sees a monster in stainless steel, just glistening it 's polished so fine. She wants it. The clerk won't sell it, but the woman insists. Guy goes home, his wife asks how his day was. He says, "pretty slow. Then, I sell this broad my thermos for five large.........." Blond cop pulls over a blond speeder. " You were speeding. show me your license. " "What's that"? says our heroine. Cop says "should be in your wallet. It's, oh-so big, has your picture on it." Blondie fumbles through her wallet, sees her reflection in the compact mirror she carries, and hands it to the cop. Cop looks at it, says, "Oh, I didn't know you were a cop. You can go." mmmmmmm oh. Naked broad climbs in a taxi. Cabbie looks in the mirror. "Lady. How you gonna pay me? I can see you ain't got no money." She spreads her legs, and gesters in the general direction of her pubic mound Cabbie says, "got anything smaller?"
I was fucking some bird over the kitchen table, when someone came in the front door. She said ''Shit, it's my husband. Quickly, try the back door.'' Now that I think of it, I really should've made a break for it, but you don't get offers like that everyday.