Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island, with nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physicist says, "Lets smash the can open with a rock." The chemist says, "Let’s build a fire and heat the can first." The economist says, "Lets assume that we have a can-opener..."

    a RIVAL electric can opener from Wall Mart for $6.

    One that makes more noise than a lawn mower.

    And let's further assume Nutmeg, you are a cheap bastard.
     
    #8441     Feb 1, 2011
  2. "This bull market is a joke"

    -- Unknown
     
    #8442     Feb 1, 2011
  3. Roses are red

    violets are blue

    Despite your inflation

    I still love your supply curves. ohh baby.
     
    #8443     Feb 1, 2011

  4. Roses are red

    violets are blue

    Despite your pimples

    I still love your ass. ohh baby.
     
    #8444     Feb 1, 2011
  5. Classes for Women at
    THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED
    By Jan. 15, 2011

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
    OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

    Class 1
    Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat
    Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM..

    Class 2
    Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
    Round Table Discussion.
    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3
    Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate.
    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4
    Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5
    Curling Irons--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
    Examples on Video.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
    At 7:00 PM

    Class 6
    How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.
    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7
    Can a Bath Be Taken Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
    Open Forum.
    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8
    Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT!
    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9
    I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials.
    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10
    How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim.
    Driving Simulations.
    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11
    Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield.
    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12
    How to Shop by Yourself.
    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.
     
    #8445     Feb 1, 2011
  6. Roses are red

    Violets are blue

    You raise my interest rate 25 basis points

    without a corresponding drop off in enthusiasm... ohh baby
     
    #8446     Feb 1, 2011
  7. Roses are red

    Violets are blue

    It feels so right

    I just wish it wasn't $250 a night... ohh baby
     
    #8447     Feb 1, 2011
  8. And she says:

    Roses are red
    Violets are stinky

    How come your dick's
    The size of my pinky??????

    Do I hear "DISCOUNT"???
     
    #8448     Feb 1, 2011
  9. This board is like Eighth grade without the homework.

    I had sex with my eighth grade teacher. My ass was sore for week. But I didn't say anything and passed English.
     
    #8449     Feb 1, 2011
  10. Piers Morgan's ratings drop 75%

    His maid must have switched off 3 of his 4 TVs.
     
    #8450     Feb 1, 2011