If you think about it, someone on-board Noah's Ark must have had pubic lice. My money is on Noah's wife.
Applebee's under 550 calorie entrees......... "Waiter!!!! Where's my steak!!!!" "Under your pea, Sir.!!!! Under your pea." Which brings to mind that classic from the depression. The one from the 30's, not this one. "waiter, I'll have the chicken noodle soup." "One bowl of chicken................" "On second thought, I'll have the pea soup." "Hold the Chicken. Make it Pee (sic)." Or, "waiter, this dog is just sitting here, staring at me while I eat." "Don't pay no attention to him Mister. You're eatin' outta his dish." How about the window washer who was late getting to the tenth floor? seems, he got a little behind on the ninth." The Vaudevillian who ran the contest? "What man here can remember the last thing his wife told him before he went to sleep last night?" Guy raises his hand "Hell, that ain't hard, Mister." "A winner. We have a winner."
Not really a joke but amusing to me. Obama went to GE, I used to work within walking distance of GE back in the 70's. We supplied industrial hardware and I'd been in many of those buildings and had met the Mayor once or twice. Schenectady had so much tax money and always looking for more. I'll give you an example, the city garbage collectors used to bring your garbage cans from behind your house, empty them in the truck and put them back. Yeah. I found a short story to sum up the Mayor. Mayor Duci appointed his stepson to run the Schenectady Municipal Parking Authority. As the guy was an unemployed apprentice tile-layer, folks asked why he was qualified for the position. Duci responded something like âHe likes people, and he has a 200 bowling average. You canât bowl that well without having good concentration.â From then on, I confessed to whoever would listen that âIâll never be able to get a job working for the City of Schenectady. My IQ is too high and my bowling average too low.â Schenectady's tax policies and politics, imo played a huge role in moving mfg first out of Schenectady.
Just went on Ebay and searched for a Burka. I went to the checkout and it said "people who bought this item also purchased a Gillete razor"
"Sales were impacted by negative consumer sentiment in developed markets, while continued destocking in the trade resulted in a particularly slow December ------------------- New term to add to my list: Destocking This will change the order of "D" words. Destocking Debuble Deleverage
Luxury! Which brings up this old bit from one of the best comedy troops of all time (at least, according to men): Michael Palin: Ahh.. Very passable, this, very passable. Graham Chapman: Nothing like a good glass of Chateau de Chassilier wine, ay Gessiah? Terry Gilliam: You're right there Obediah. Eric Idle: Who'd a thought thirty years ago we'd all be sittin' here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine? MP: Aye. In them days, we'd a' been glad to have the price of a cup o' tea. GC: A cup ' COLD tea. EI: Without milk or sugar. TG: OR tea! MP: In a filthy, cracked cup. EI: We never used to have a cup. We used to have to drink out of a rolled up newspaper. GC: The best WE could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth. TG: But you know, we were happy in those days, though we were poor. MP: Aye. BECAUSE we were poor. My old Dad used to say to me, "Money doesn't buy you happiness." EI: 'E was right. I was happier then and I had NOTHIN'. We used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof. GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING! TG: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor! MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph. EI: Well when I say "house" it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US. GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake! TG: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road. MP: Cardboard box? TG: Aye. MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, out Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt! GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY! TG: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife. EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'. ALL: Nope, nope..
ET version of the same joke. Yahoo:'Woman survives fall from 23rd floor' That's no mean feet.Winter is way colder