It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The length of a penis is 3 times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster then a man's. Women blink 2x as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand. The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.
My wife was talking to our 16 year old son in his bedroom, when I suddenly heard her say, " You're fucking Dorothy!" I sat back and thought 'thats my boy' and filled my head with images of what his girlfriend would look like. A few moments later she walked into the room and said. " You know the school is doing the Wizard of Oz this year?" I was about to reply that I did and that I thought it was great if our son had got himself a girlfriend but never got a chance when I saw him standing in the doorway in a blue dress and his hair in pigtails. I screamed, "You're fucking Dorothy!"
Went to see my Psychiatrist today and said; "I'm worried that I will never be capable of being faithful." "Okay, who else have you told?" "Only my other Psychiatrist."
Decisions, Decisions, Decisions A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay happily married so long in this day and age. The husband responded "When we were first married we came to an agreement. I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor decisions. And in 60 years of marriage, as my wife can assure you, we have never needed to make a major decision!"
Happy 2011, Everybody! New Year Resolutions 2007: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds. 2008: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds. 2009: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight. 2010: I will work out 3 days a week, sort of... 2011: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week...