A pastor decided to visit one of his church members one Saturday evening. When he got to her house nobody came to the door. The pastor called her name several times and finally took out his card and wrote on the back: "Revelation 3:20 - "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and dine with him and he with me."" Two days later the same card came in the mail. Below the pastors message was another passage: "Genesis 3:10 - "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself.""
Had some fish for lunch and it reminded me of my first girlfriend and this joke: The Russian couples sex life was terrible, so they went out and bought a black market copy of a sex manual. A week later, the man said to the women, "Honey, I want to eat your p*ssy like it says in the book, but it smells so bad. Why donât you go out and buy some of that feminine deodorant spray?" She agreed. An hour later, she returned, all excited. "You should see the flavors they have," she told her husband. "Strawberry, cherry, banana ...." "What did you get?" he interrupted. "Tuna," she replied.
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"Northern Ireland struggling to cope with out water" I'm sure it was only the other day when they were struggling for money...
The reason I didn't get into work on time today was that there are nine people in my family. But the alarm was only set for 8.
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A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's rich and self-employed, And when I spend, won't be annoyed. Pull out my chair and hold my hand. Massage my feet and help me stand. Oh send a king to make me queen. A man who loves to cook and clean. I pray this man will love no other. And relish visits with my mother. A MAN'S POEM: I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with big tits who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap.