I miss George Bush as president. I mean I really miss him. I miss him like a pedophile misses driving an ice cream truck.
Inner Peace I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished." So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, a box of chocolates, and a half bottle of scotch. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace. Happy Holidays!
will probably go down in history as the man who lost the West watta clown Correction: western hemisphere
I hear president Obama is going to spend Christmas in Hawaii. He can milk a holiday better than Brett Favre can milk an NFL career.
This TSA thing is such a huge irritant. They can have my junk when they pry it out of my cold dead hands.
I work in a Clinic which helps the depressed people. They got bored one day so I decided to play a game of Hangman with them. Turns out it wasn't a good idea..
My doctor told me that I was clinically obese the other day. I didn't have an appointment, he just shouted it down the street.