Jokes 2

My grandma was great, everytime I used to see her she'd say
''here's a fiver, dont tell your mother''

I said ''why not?''

She said ''it's her's''

 

Big Banks and Big Ben....here piggie piggie.... lmao...
Save the piggie. snort snort...awwww feel better............



"I [Bernanke] am reminded of a story about Abraham Lincoln."

Once upon a time.....

Lincoln was riding with a friend in a carriage on a rainy evening. As they rode, Lincoln told the friend that he believed in what economists would call the utility-maximizing theory of behavior, that people always act so as to maximize their own happiness, and for no other reason. Just then, the carriage crossed a bridge, and Lincoln saw a pig stuck in the muddy riverbank. Telling the carriage driver to stop, Lincoln struggled through the rain and mud, picked up the pig, and carried it to safety. When the muddy Lincoln returned to the carriage, his friend naturally pointed out that he had just disproved his own hypothesis by putting himself to great trouble and discomfort to save a pig. “Not at all,” said Lincoln. “What I did is perfectly consistent with my theory. If I hadn’t saved that pig, I would have felt terrible.”

 

This surely must be one of the signs of the Apocalypse:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20101217/od_uk_nm/oukoe_uk_fragrance_celebrity_europe

 

Congratulations to Cliff Lee on choosing a different city than New York for fans to spit on his wife.

 

I told my wife that if I had to do it all over again, I'd still marry her because she was pregnant.

 

I thought it would be nice to say something warm to my wife, so I told her I often still think of her while we're having sex.

 

Best Obituary of the Year, Guaranteed.


Olpin Hoopes Funeral Home - View Obituary

http://www.olpinhoopes.com/web/index.php?option=com_facileforms&Itemid=39&id=300

 

Isn't this "Why don't we do it in the Road"? Key of "F"???

 

I 've picked up a few pigs in my day. Maximized my happiness at the time, too. Never, have I pulled on from the mud. If they weren't on a barstool, I just moved along.

 

Guy was telling me a story today, true, mind you, of being in a dunkin' donuts, and having a woman who he described as being not totally unattractive, but not having money for a coffee. He offered to buy her a coffee, and the clerk, wanting to help, gave him a coupon and the coffee cost just 1.05.

He said he had earphones on and didnt' quite hear her when she said, "you 'd be surprised what $50 will get you." He pulled the phones and said, "what????" and she said, "Ok, $20."" He commented he was glad he was drinking coffee.

I couldn't quite believe it, so I spent 2 hours in the local dunkin. Made 60bucks, and got a free egg and cheese sandwich. (This was the made up part. I didn't get a sandwich).