Catholic Nun Ingenuity Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Now, Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, so she decided not to wait... and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient... Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Protestant ladies watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I'm turning Catholic!'
It's funny how some jokes always start the same way. Like ethnic jokes for example. They always start by looking over your shoulder.
The first tuesday of every november asian girls get so excited. I never could figure out why, so I asked one. She said: "it's simple, that's erection day"!
The postman knocked on my door this morning with a parcel in his hand "can you sign for this" he said. I replied "I think you have the wrong house, the deaf kid lives next door"
I went out for Italian food the other night and after consulting the menu I ordered the pageone. "Thats Page 1 you putz" replied the waiter.
SEMPER FI Having served his time in Iraq with the Marine Corps, a man became a school teacher. But, before school started, he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't even noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a huge stapler, opened it and with a loud bang stapled the tie to his chest. He had no trouble with discipline that year...