Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. Yannis

    Yannis

    Happy Thanksgiving, Folks!

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    :) :) :)
     
    #8061     Nov 25, 2010
  2. Groann...my sister sent me that last year. I told her she looks like that turkey. :D :D :D
     
    #8062     Nov 25, 2010
  3. How to:



    Boil an egg to perfection without the use of costly egg timers.

    Put an egg in a pan of boiling water, get in the car and drive at 60mph. After 3 miles call your wife and tell her to take the egg out.
     
    #8063     Nov 25, 2010
  4. Nice video Yannis. I watched a few others. Men were men in those days. Reminds me of this.


    In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy


    [​IMG]
     
    #8064     Nov 25, 2010
  5. Yannis

    Yannis

    AROUND THE WORLD

    http://www.yvettedefrance.com/Photos-du-monde/Fotos_monde

    This is great, I hope you can get to view it all. Just click on the link above, then on the country you want to visit, select the city or place, and scroll down to enjoy the slide show, photos and the local music. Whoever put this together did a mighty fine job of editing. A very inexpensive way to see the whole wide world!

    :) :) :)
     
    #8065     Nov 26, 2010
  6. Yannis

    Yannis

    POLITICIANS AND TAXES

    This might be funny if it weren't so darned true. Be sure to read all the way to the end:

    Tax his land,
    Tax his bed,
    Tax the table
    At which he's fed.

    Tax his tractor,
    Tax his mule,
    Teach him taxes
    Are the rule.

    Tax his work,
    Tax his pay,
    He works for peanuts
    Anyway!
    Tax his cow,
    Tax his goat,
    Tax his pants,
    Tax his coat.
    Tax his ties,
    Tax his shirt,
    Tax his work,
    Tax his dirt.

    Tax his tobacco,
    Tax his drink,
    Tax him if he
    Tries to think.

    Tax his cigars,
    Tax his beers,
    If he cries
    Tax his tears.

    Tax his car,
    Tax his gas,
    Find other ways
    To tax his ass.

    Tax all he has
    Then let him know
    That you won't be done
    Till he has no dough.

    When he screams and hollers;
    Then tax him some more,
    Tax him till
    He's good and sore.
    Then tax his coffin,
    Tax his grave,
    Tax the sod in
    Which he's laid.

    Put these words
    Upon his tomb,
    Taxes drove me
    to my doom...'

    When he's gone,
    Do not relax,
    Its time to apply
    The inheritance tax.

    Accounts Receivable Tax
    Building Permit Tax
    CDL license Tax
    Cigarette Tax
    Corporate Income Tax
    Dog License Tax
    Excise Taxes
    Federal Income Tax
    Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
    Fishing License Tax
    Food License Tax
    Fuel Permit Tax
    Gasoline Tax (currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
    Gross Receipts Tax
    Hunting License Tax
    Inheritance Tax
    Inventory Tax
    IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
    Liquor Tax
    Luxury Taxes
    Marriage License Tax
    Medicare Tax
    Personal Property Tax
    Property Tax
    Real Estate Tax
    Service Charge T ax
    Social Security Tax
    Road Usage Tax
    Sales Tax
    Recreational Vehicle Tax
    School Tax
    State Income Tax
    State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
    Telephone Federal Excise Tax
    Telephone Federal Universal Ser vice Fee Tax
    Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
    Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge=2 0 Tax
    Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
    Telephone State and Local Tax
    Telephone Usage Charge Tax
    Utility Taxes
    Vehicle License Registration Tax
    Vehicle Sales Tax
    Watercraft Registration Tax
    Well Permit Tax
    Workers Compensation Tax

    STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?
    Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middle class in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the hell happened? ...

    ... Can you spell 'politicians?'


    And I still have to 'press 1' for English!?

    :) :) :)
     
    #8066     Nov 26, 2010
  7. Humpy

    Humpy

    Well someone has to pay for their massive salaries, perks, expenses and don't forget their pensions.

    :(

    Pity they don't concentrate on doing a better job for all that dough
     
    #8067     Nov 26, 2010
  8. Christmas Carols for the Psychologically Challenged


    1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

    2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Queens Disoriented Are

    3. Amnesia --- I Don't Know if I'll be Home for Christmas

    4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

    5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and ...

    6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me

    7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

    8 . Full Personality Disorder-- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll tell You Why

    9. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ---Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..

    10. Agoraphobia --- I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn't Leave My House

    11. Senile Dementia --- Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House in My Slippers and Robe

    12. Oppositional Defiant Disorder --- I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House

    13. Social Anxiety Disorder --- Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate.
     
    #8068     Nov 26, 2010
  9. I said to my wife, "I wish I was rich."

    "So do I!" She replied, "Rich had an 8 inch cock."
     
    #8070     Nov 27, 2010