Jokes 2

You absolutely killed me with this. Now Google California to Japan and read #18 and #33. Classic stuff.

 

Two men in a kayak, both are feeling quite cold so they decide to make a small fire to keep themselves warm.

Within minutes the kayak has a huge hole in it and sinks to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean.

Which proves that you cant have your kayak and heat it too.

 

Vote: It's The Greek Thing To Do

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Next Halloween I'm just going to put an empty bowl outside my door with a sign saying

"Please take one candy Only"

 

So, this confirmed bachelor decides to get married. He has three prospects. He was a handsome man of some means, and gave his concubines some notice. The first threw herself at his feet. I'll cook, I'll clean, I'll give you heirs.

The second, equally as beautiful, said, "I'll cook, clean, give you children, perform sexual acts of daring, any time of the day or night"

The third would match the other in her beauty, and her dedication to his every need. So, which one did he pick?





The one with the job and health insurance.

 

GOLFER AT THE DENTIST


A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.

The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic, I don't have time for the gums to get numb. I just want you to pull the tooth, and be done with it! We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already... I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!' Then I'am off to Florida for the winter season of Golfing!


The dentist thought to himself, "my goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist asks him, "which tooth is it sir?"


The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."

 

We could not calculate directions between Florida and Norway.

 

Why did the frog cross the road?

To get away from the Germans.

 

I've got a friend who is gay but he is really ugly.

He's so ugly he has to sleep with women.

 

Yesterday we were in a *$ talking about women. I said I like my women like I like my coffee - ground up and in the freezer.