My friends and family want me to get help for my masturbation addiction. I told them that I don't need help. I can beat this by myself.
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The 10th annual blowjob championship is on next Saturday. Can you please stay away as they,d like a woman to win it this year. Cheers champ!
I saw a plastic bag on the floor the other day, it said; "Please keep away from children." How did it know?
A man was walking down a street in the centre of New York and saw a rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle with it and in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. A passing reporter commented: that was fucking fantastic how you saved that old dears life!, I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Californian saves granny's life?, "i'm not a Californian" replied the bloke. "well how about Texan saves granny's life"? said the reporter. "I'm not a Texan either" said our hero, " I'm from Mexico". "Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow" said the reporter. The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - Mexican bandit KILLS FAMILY PET!!
Kids And BO Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '. Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.' The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.' Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them!' The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!' Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like you're handicapped...' The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I pulled your butt out of the river!'
Just Working Out <object style="height: 390px; width: 640px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sOOlUR9Cg1Q?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sOOlUR9Cg1Q?version=3" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="640" height="390"></object>
My brother's employer pulled a fire alarm and handed a pink slip to the first 32 employees fleeing the building. The boss' thinking was that the most dedicated employee would wait first to see if the alarm was real. Now my brother's working with a bunch of fat guys who are hard of hearing.