Jokes 2

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by gwb-trading, Apr 30, 2007.

  1. A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

    Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

    The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

    Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

    Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

    Is it........

    A-Robin

    B-Sparrow

    C-Cuckoo

    D-Thrush

    Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

    "I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

    No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

    Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

    Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

    (ringing)

    Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

    Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

    The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

    There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

    Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

    A-Robin

    B-Sparrow

    C-Cuckoo

    D-Thrush"

    Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

    Barbara: "You think?"

    Maggie: "I'm sure."

    Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

    Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

    Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

    Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

    Barbara: "It is."

    Regis: "Are you confident?"

    Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

    Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

    Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

    (clapping)

    That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

    Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
     
    #7711     Sep 11, 2010
  2. Agree.

    For those of you who had reservations about how much pressure to apply when choking the chicken.....no mas reservations.....:D

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-11261149
     
    #7712     Sep 11, 2010
  3. People find it strange when I tell them I still sleep with my ex-girlfriend.

    What can I say, the sex-change operation didn't bother me.
     
    #7713     Sep 12, 2010
  4. Humpy

    Humpy

    just as a matter of fact

    ::.. :..: :.... :.::

    doesn't mean anything in braille according to my friend studying it.

    Google and Bing also drew a blank
     
    #7714     Sep 12, 2010
  5. Whoops, busted. :D :D :D

    Once in a while I throw in some bullshit just ot see if you guys are listening.:D :D :D
     
    #7715     Sep 12, 2010
  6. If you watch this clip. This is me. Usually I don't put myself out there on the net like this, but once, just this once, ya'll can see where I'm coming from. Notice Cristies aides laughing at what he says. Ding dong. I crack myself up but in real life, I am this character, he has my delivery to perfection.






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    #7716     Sep 12, 2010

  7. FUCK YEAH!!!!!!! twice!
     
    #7717     Sep 12, 2010
  8. Would you believe it's slang: It reads.


    "Caution Wet Paint"
     
    #7718     Sep 12, 2010
  9. I joined the Tourette's society today. ........in no time at all they had me sworn in !
     
    #7719     Sep 13, 2010
  10. During Antiques Roadshow today, I looked at the 19th century mahogany chest of drawers in the corner of my living room and thought:

    Maybe that's where the fucking remote is.
     
    #7720     Sep 14, 2010