Why were there only 49 contestants for the "Miss black U.S.A." Pageant? A: No contestant wanted to wear a banner that said "Idaho"!
True story: http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2010/08/27/1646806/man-killed-while-waiting-for-ghost.html
A Mother was reading a Bible story to her young daughter. She read "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt". Her daughter asked, "What happened to the flea?"
Condoms A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the counter the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy: a 3-pack,10-pack or a family pack. "I'm really going to give it to this girl," the boy tells the pharmacist." "I intend to plug every orifice in her body at least twice." The pharmacist, with a laugh, suggests the family pack, saying the boy will be rather busy, it being his first time and all. That night the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meet his girlfriend at the door. She says, "Oh I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer with his head down. Ten minutes passes and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend finally leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious." The boy turns and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist. Poor boy LOL
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My doctor has just told me that I have only one week to live. I asked, "What can I do to prolong it?" He said, "Call off the wedding."